for the love of dave matthews.

i have changed a lot since my junior year of high school. THANK GOD. but one thing that remains constant however is my blond hair, affinity for all things chocolate and a love for dave matthews. THANK GOD.

my sister and her boyfriend (now husband) drove me and three of my friends to see him in new jersey my junior year and i was hooked. i have seen eleven shows since then in massachusetts, connecticut, new york, virginia, florida, and indiana. i considered myself a super fan but really, there are people who see him twelve times a year.

part of the draw is that no show is the same. different set lists, different jams. i used to be so into the set list thing. writing it down for the shows i saw, looking up others on antsmarching.org, getting so dissapointed when i missed a good encore. and the jams! i could hippie dance with the best of them.

going to a concert was always a huge production. it usually involved some considerable travel and tailgating was a must. get there early, drink beer, eat food, get your lawn seat ASAP, buy t-shirt, dance your hippie heart out, take beach chairs back out and enjoy watching the line of traffic, crash on frat house floor (most unpleasant accomodations to date).

let's not underestimate the power of a good lawn seat. a good spot means your toes won't go numb from standing on a slant, that you have room to twirl, and the girl in front of you is not puking her brains out or snorting something. true stories.

my younger self would die if it heard me say that i haven't been to a show in a few years. i got side tracked by going to disney every month, and dave matthews got side tracked by making albums. when i saw that dave was on ellen recently, well be still my heart! my favorite band, my favorite celebrity (ellen), my favorite song.

the only possible way this could be better would be if it took place in disney world, and i was there.

john and i used to have an understanding that if i ever had the opportunity to "kiss" dave matthews, i could. this rule will be in place with anyone i date. but let's be real...if i ever met dave matthews there probably wouldn't be much kissing. i met him once in my dreams and i passed out. how is that even possible in a dream? so i can't even imagine what would happen in real life. it might involve a stroke.

via
hands down sexiest performer alive

anyways, back to the ellen show. i have to watch it on youtube due to no cable. i noticed under the video there was a comment "my friend's dad is in that band, tim reynolds." OK. HOLD UP. i remember when tim reynolds was just a kid. and now he has kids old enough to have friends commenting on you tube? and who the hell doesn't know THAT band?! instantly i felt like the old person at the concert that i used to think "way to hold onto your past...find a new band."

but i will never find a new band. i will be that old person in the audience. i'll just have a better seat.

art > science.

in college i majored in art and history. these two subjects could not have been more perfect for me. they required me to write and they required me to spend an entire day in a studio creating things out of clay.

unfortunately, most of my friends were science majors.

this meant countless hours discussing the anatomy of a pig, what happens when you combine plutonium and aluminum, and.... actually who knows what they were talking about, i hadn't a clue. still don't. my eyes would glaze over and my brain shut down when they'd start talking. and i've had a science brain block ever since.

i took what is affectionately called "rocks for jocks." i barely made it out alive and lets just say it did not help my gpa any. i mean really, a two hour lecture on rocks? BEFORE LUNCH?! 

i recently visited my college campus and my former roomate dragged me in that horrible building since it wasn't so horrible for her and i had already dragged her through the ceramics studio. when i walked through the doors i felt the same gut instinct to RUN FOR MY LIFE. seriously, no good can come of a building full of dead animals, tons chemicals, and students learning to 'experiment.'

i guess the same can be said for my art building where i learned how to use a chop saw, mixed chemicals to make a glaze, and inhaled turpentine. but apples to oranges.

today, my sister and i were discussing time zones. i was booking a flight to puerto rico and we were trying to figure out why flying out of west palm would still take nearly four hours. i suggested maybe there was a time difference and found a nifty time converter on the interweb. well the stupid converter started talking about EDT and UTC and AST and my eyes glazed over and my brain shut down.

i quick sent the link to my science-y sister to figure out and she says "it is a stupid site. GMT is the time that everything is based on. remember earth science?" HA HA.

no, sister, i majored in writing papers and creating things.

and THANK GOD i did.

my dog runs more than your dog.

on an average week bailey runs about ten miles. and that is not including the usain bolt sprints she does around the dog park.

for not having a watch or any concept of time, she sets a pretty good pace. that is until nature calls, she smells something, a motorcycle or worse a bicycle passes, or she just stops short in front of me for no good reason. SQUIRREL!

but who are we kidding, she is actually just walking fast.

there are days where i just don't want to get out of bed at 6am, especially to run. but when we finally get out the door, after many sighs and rolls of her eyes as i stumble around, i remember it's worth it. seeing her ears bounce up and down and her tail wagging around makes me realize this is not so bad. even though we run the same route every single time, it's a new adventure for her.


c'mon mom...let's go for a RUN!


it's so peaceful in the morning too. just me and bailey. and her bag of poop.

she's usually kind enough to go at the beginning so i have to carry it the whole way. or better yet when she goes twice. i especially loved the time there was a hole in the bag and it acted like a frosting bag, only instead of chocolate frosting i was covered in crap.

but it really is worth it. she needs to get her energy out so she doesn't eat any more books, pants or glue sticks. and i sure need the exercise because when i'm not covered in crap i actually am covered in chocolate.

anyways, bailey would definitely win the womens 100, 400, 800 and 5K if they had dog olympics. i know everyone was just obsessed with the actual olympics so you know what that means.

if i didn't have her i'd have to cover all those miles on my own. and let's face it, i probably wouldn't. i feel so lucky to have her as a running partner.

she's my best friend, pace setter, and frosting maker.

welcome to the neighborhood, part two.

well maybe its blogging karma but just when i thought my neighborhood couldn't get any weirder, it went all britney spears with a razor on me.

let's see, where do i begin.

i guess we can start on the day that john left. my two nosy neighbors, creeper larry and shirtless wonder, were standing outside as i was coming back from a walk with bailey. they shouted "where is your hubby?" let me reiterate that this was the day he left. i mumbled something about him not being here, put my head down and walked as fast as i could inside before i started to cry. they kept taunting me saying "uh-oh! he's gone? i hope not for good." nosy and cruel. i have pretty much have avoided them since and i think they know it.

it's probably why creeper larry leaves me letters in the mailbox rather than talk to me. my pen pal kindly informed me that when he was going into his kitchen...he saw me backing out of my driveway and noticed my brake light was out. even though this letter didn't rhyme and was signed a different address, i knew it was him because of the handwriting and excessive detail.

shirtless wonder has been pretty MIA due to illness. while i hope he gets better i also really hope he starts wearing a shirt. the other day he came over to talk to my lawn guy about his jungle of a yard. i just wish the shirts were reversed. just saying.

the real crazy dog lady got back with her ex-husband and moved out to utah.  she's hoping her house will burn down so that she can just collect the insurance money. but bailey really misses her and i miss having another female around.

back story on crazy dog lady. about a year ago, there a few cop cars outside her house. a few weeks later she told me it was because someone had stolen her guns. as in plural. multiple firearms. great.


i'm friends with the "drug addict" now because he is taking care of my neighbor's french bulldog version of bailey, named camo, who bailey loves. to be fair i don't think he is an addict, he's just smoking something. the other day he asked if i noticed he painted his garage purple. i'm not sure how one could not notice it. he plans to short sale his house but the realtor has yet to show up. i'm pretty sure the realtor saw purple and ran far, far away.

i'm also pretty sure he and camo are going to be life partners because our neighbor "works" out of town for weeks at a time. meanwhile there has been a subpoena placed over his front door so he can't open it without seeing the bright green paper. when i asked purple people eater where camo's dad was, he said he hadn't been "released from work yet." how about we replace work with jail, and that sentence makes a lot more sense.

the good part about all this is bailey and i pretty much have the block to ourselves and my house is the standout in a good way. the down side is resale is going to be a b*tch.

just another beautiful day in the neighborhood.

to leah and evan.

the following is the maid of honor speech i made for my best friend this weekend. though i couldn't hold on to my papers because my hands were shaking so hard and i had to follow the best man comedy show, i'd still call it a success. it was such an honor to write this and to be the maid of honor for my best friend.

when i was younger, my brother used to talk me into doing all sorts of things i didn't want to do. so twenty something years ago when he nagged me to come to his friend micah's house because he promised i would really like micah's sister, i figured she was probably awful. i finally gave in just to shut him up. i don't often admit this, but i was wrong...she was great. it was the best gift my brother has ever given me.

leah and i were instantly inseparable. not only did i find a beset friend for life that day, i gained a pretty big extended family, a few extra holidays like hannukah and passover, the other half to our dance duet, a forever ice cream date, and partner in crime. i found the thelma to my louise.

as little girls, leah and i loved to play house. we would always pretend that we were married to twins. that way we could basically marry the same person and be related. while leah clearly didn't uphold that pact, i learned a long time ago it doesn't take blood to make you family.

in thinking of how i could describe what kind of friend leah is, this one story came to mind. you know when your parents say they will get you a pet, only if you take care of it but you don't, so they have to? well i had a rabbit like that and one day i came home to find it had died. i called leah and between my sobs she figured out that noah was dead and my parents were going to kill me. she immediately started running to my house. if you know leah, that is a pretty big deal..the running part. she also helped me figure out hat the rabbit wasn't dead after all. she saved my butt that day. 


she had run to my side and she was there for me. now we don't really live within running distance anymore but she continues to be there for me when i need her most. she's shared her family with me and has been my constant as friends and boyfriends have come and gone for us both. so it's been my honor to be her maid of honor. this day is something we dreamed up for a long time and i couldn't imagine a better prince charming for princess leah.

i remember when leah first started dating evan. she was visiting me in florida and though she was downplaying it, i could tell she was already smitten. calls and texts were going in and out at a rapid pace and her face would flush red when she spoke about him, and as much fun as i am to be around, i could tell by the end of the weekend she was ready to get back to him.

they've been together ever since and i can tell how happy he makes her. if ever there were a more detail-oriented person than leah, evan would be it. i know together they will make lists...and check them twice. but most of all they will always dream together, plan together, laugh together and grow together.

though i'm a few months older, leah's always been doing things first...first kiss, first boyfriend, first real job. what i'm trying to say is that i don't have any marriage advice because leah is blazing the trail once again! however, i do have a few things i wish for you both.

may you always kiss each other good night.
may your journey always be better than the destination.
may you continue to laugh together everyday.
may you always find home in each other.
always remember how in love you are today but may this be the day that you love each other the least.

i learned somewhere you should start with a joke and end with a quote. so'id like to end this with some dave matthews.

see, you and me
have a better time than most can dream
have it better than the best
and so can pull on through
whatever tears at us
whatever holds us down
and if nothing can be done
we'll make the best of what's around
turns out not where but who you're with that really matters

may you always make the best of what's around together.

to leah and evan!

i. went. SURFING.

my first year living in florida, i was on the cover of the newspaper. before and since i have been in the paper has been for much better things but have never made it to the cover. and never for something so ridiculous (and somewhat frightening).

i was at the beach with my fellow americorps member, nghia, who like most guys lacked common sense and even though he grew up near the water in vietnam, remained what i call "ocean dumb." no offense, he was a total smarty otherwise.

there are a few things that become inherent when you live near the ocean. you know how to catch a wave with your body or any kind board, when the tide is coming up, how to dive under an incoming wave, and to NEVER turn your back to the ocean. nghia knew none of these things.

still, we went swimming.

we didn't pay attention to the lifeguards' double red flags nor had we heard about the kid who was missing at sea. immediately i knew we were in trouble. it literally felt like there was a vacuum at my feet and i realized i was getting sucked out at an alarming speed. the logic side of my brain told me that i was supposed to follow the current and spit me back out. the panic side of my brain said GET YOUR FEET ON SOLID GROUND RIGHT NOW.

panic won.

i reached the shore just in time to see two lifeguards running towards us. i stood with one as we watched the other rescue nghia. not only was i glad to be alive, i was completely mortified. we had caught the attention of the entire beach. and lucky for us, a reporter.

when we got back to work the next week everyone was asking if we were ok. i wondered how they knew.

this story, along with a photo of nghia being helped out of the water had made the front page (lucky for me it can still be found on the interweb):

"...With rough waters and a rip current, lifeguards flew the red flag — high caution — and at one point dashed in and helped two Vero Beach residents, Nghia and Jessica, both 22 (and dumb). 'They were getting sucked out good,' lifeguard Matt Resch said. Lifeguards helped Nghia and Jessica struggle back to shore. The beach goers said they might have lost their footing after another minute in the rip current.
'It was like a vacuum,' Nghia said..."

first i would like to point out a few inconsistencies here. i was NOT helped by a lifeguard, though i was grateful for their efforts. i got out on my own powered by sheer will and fear. second i said it was like a vacuum. i do like how they pointed out "high caution" to highlight our stupidity. regardless, that is not how i planned on making a name for myself here, as the girl who was ocean dumb.

(it looked kind of like this except with more fear and less smile. also nghia would be way behind me.)

like i said i've made it in the paper a lot since then, for much better, cooler things. but this goes down as most memorable. it probably explains why my mom totally panicked this weekend after she hadn't heard from me after i went kayaking.

after that i was much more wary of the ocean. nghia wasn't. he went back in the next day with my friend doug and another friend who couldn't swim. doug had to save them both. OCEAN DUMB.

anyways this weekend i rediscovered the joy of the ocean. unfortunately my leg rediscovered the joy of a surfboard fin and i will be sporting a bruise. and who am i kidding, i'm totally showing that sucker off because i. went. SURFING.

and i survived.

and much to my disappointment it did not make the front page of the paper.

EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT~ Jessica is Not Ocean Dumb Afterall!

ps. nghia, if you are reading this, thanks for the memories. and i hope you live inland :)

pps. you read that right, i went kayaking and surfing in one weekend. i'm not sure which was less more successful.

dreams come true.

now i'm no scientologist but i do have a weird thing with dreams.

most of the time they are completely bizarre and don't even make sense when i'm in them much less when i wake up. but other times they are just real enough to freak me the heck out. like the dream where my mom died. i wasn't right the whole next day even after i talked to her and knew she was fine. i think it was so terrifying because i have a tendancy to have parts of my dream become reality.

ah, if only all my dreams could come true, right?

but when my friend told me she dreamed i had frogs in my bed and that bailey was eating them, i didn't really think much of it. first of all, i've never had/known that someone elses dream about me came true. second, bailey and mallory have some kind of weird connection (as in bailey would like to attach her nose to mallory's hip and mallory would like for bailey to go sit in a corner and leave her alone). and third, bailey would eat a frog if she had a chance.

case in point, last night.

i had a small mound of laundry to put away before i could finally get to bed after the marathon that is extreme makeover. as i folded up one shirt i saw something go flying out and crawl up my bed. cue my blood curdling screams and bailey's ears and nose at full attention. it was a gecko. in my bed.

i'm pretty sure my neighbors thought i was seeing dead people, not a little lizard.

we chased it off the bed and into the corner. bailey really wanted to get her paws on the thing and i just wanted it to get the hell out of my bedroom. i was able to get it out in the hall where i had to take a break to freak out. in that 10 seconds bailey sucked the thing into her mouth.

cue more screaming.

by biggest fear was that she would chomp down and then i'd be dealing with gecko guts. my shrieks freaked her out enough to spit it out into the bathroom, good job dog. i thought about leaving it there but then i imagined it back in my bed...crawling across my face...while i slept... no thanks.

i was eventually able to corner it, trap it and get it outside. with much screaming and jumping around like an idiot. i was actually pretty impressed with myself. i had put my big girl panties on and dealt with it all on my own. apparently it was hard work though because i was sweating like a maniac.

i'm also pretty sure geckos taste bad because bailey really wanted some water.

anyways, i asked mallory if she could dream that i would win lots of money and find a hot boyfriend. because that would be way better than more amphibians in my bed.

for the love of disney, volume three.

some people have vices like cigarettes or alcohol. watching my dad try to quit smoking for the past 25 years made me not want to do or try anything potentially addicting. i rarely drink "lemonade" and even try not to drink soda, most of the time.

my only vices are sunshine and chocolate. as far as vices go i pretty much feel like a winner.

lately it has become glaringly obvious that i have a third vice. can you guess? DISNEY.

i'm not too sure how great a vice this is. yes it's pretty damn magical. i have some really sweet memories there. i've eaten some of my most favorite meals, fallen in love, danced with stich and goofy, and faced fears there. but i've also spent a serioulsy large sum of money on annual passes, hotels, and aforementioned food.

and now i'm going through withdrawal. somedays i think of just getting in the car, driving north and just standing in the middle of magic kingdom and soaking it in like a smoker savors that first drag. sometimes just thinking of it makes me feel better. other times i feel worse.

last night there was a new commercial for the verizon disney app. the evil queen asks a vacationing family where she might find snow white and the dad checks his phone and sees she is at the castle. pretty generic, silly stuff right? well I CRIED.

i realize this is not a normal reaction. videos of parents suprising their kids with a trip to disney also make me cry and i usually tear up during that disney commercial with the "its a good life song," because yes...it is a GREAT life in disney. you get to be a total kid. for one day you can escape reality and live in a fantasy world. for only $89.

seriously though, it's hard not to be happy in disney. when you see kids meet a character and in all their heart they truly believe it is a real princess or mickey mouse. when you see the wonder in their eyes because they are just AMAZED that they are flying in a pirate ship with peter pan. when cast members write "have a magical day" at the bottom of your beer glass so you see it everytime you take a drink. how nothing tastes better on a hot day than a pinapple float. even better when you get a free float and a "happy birthday princess" because of your nerdy button.

it makes my heart swell.

and something that gives me that much joy can't be that bad a vice afterall. even though thinking about my inability to go anytime soon makes me break out in hives, i know i'll get my turn again.

and it will be magical.

for the love of disney, volume two.

have i told you how much i love disney? oh right, i did in volume one.

well it is killing me that i haven't been there for over three months! it feels like a lifetime. before i moved to florida i had only been once. when i was five. i was very bitter about this. every christmas my cousins were talking about their most recent trip and i made sure i said nice and loud, "i've only been once...when i was FIVE."

well i made up for lost time since i moved to florida, that's for sure. i actually went the first week after moving when my cousin was in disney (shocker). once i met john we did something disney every time he visited. either went to a park, ate at downtown disney, or went to the disney resort here. and once he moved here it was as regular as going to the movies.

having a bad week? magic kingdom. the best way to celebrate a birthday is the osborne family lights at hollywood studios. going to the airport? lets stop by disney! (ps. it's not really on the way).

we even went to disney to 'celebrate' our break-up. it wasn't so much a celebration as it was an incredibly bittersweet, pretty painful, cram as much as you can in one day before you'll never see each other again kind of day. it was fun, but knowing it was the last time felt like the last meal before an execution.

our last picture. how fitting.

 anyways, where was i going with this.

oh right, disney.

well it never ever lost its magic. even with 100 brazilians in line in front of me. even when it was 100 degrees.  even in the pouring rain. not even when we were on our last date. i think the magic deserves its own post.

i can't even frown its so magical.

this week they opened the art of imagination resort. this means nothing to 98% of you reading this. the other 2% are my cousins. but i have watched this resort's construction from the ground up. it's located near the pop century hotel, and since that is a value resort (value in disney means a regular hotel price without the amenities and including crappy toilet paper), it's where we usually stayed.

i couldn't wait for it to open so we'd have a new value resort to stay in. not to mention it features finding nemo and the little mermaid. win, win.

via

i normally get envy when i see pictures of other people in disney and i'm not there. this is unrealistic, i know. i cannot go there everyday. but i wouldn't mind it. so when i saw that they were finally opening the resort (i'm facebook friends with disney, you should be too) and not only was i not there i don't have any prospect of going there anytime soon...well, basically just stab me in the heart.

don't even talk to me about the magic kingdom expansion. i know you won't, you don't even know anything about it.

for the first time in a few years i don't even have an annual pass. (my life feels empty but my bank account feels fuller).

so what's my point? good point, i don't know. i just really miss the magic and i hate not knowing when i'll be going back. so if you could refrain from posting your super happy disney pics on facebook i'd greatly appreciate it.

but in the meantime maybe i'll try to find magic somewhere outside of disney. surely that's possible. and possibly more affordable.

memorable memorial day.

memorial day has been a mixed bag for me.

in college they were the start of my kick-butt summer job. selling tickets to the gay ferry. that could and should be its own post.

my grandma passed away around memorial day in 2007. the next year my other grandma passed away.
a few years later, i bought a house. last year, john was here and yes, we went to...DISNEY!

but this past weekend might take the cake. literally. there was a ridiculous cake, see below.

first i flew to connecticut to help host my bff's bridal shower. it started out rocky when i woke up at 6:15am and i had wanted to leave my house at 6am. i jumped out of my bed half-crying, half-shouting "oh no oh no oh no" as i flashed back to high school when i woke up late EVERY day. my poor dog didn't get to poop and my poor airplane neighbor had to smell my stank since there was no time for a shower. good news is i probably set a PR driving to the airport.

so i gfinally get there and leah's mom (and aunts) and i don't mess around getting everything ready for the shower. there was a lot of complaining, by others, about the humidity. i honestly did not even feel it and i froze in the AC. thanks florida for thinning my blood that much. thanks also for giving me an awesome tan.

which one of these is not like the other?

saturday it hit me. leah's getting married. this is her shower. we are old enough to get married. we dreamed of this since we met 20ish years ago and i couldn't be happier for her. you can tell why we are bffs because her shower was chocolate themed.

we used share clothes. then i became an amazon.

see...cake!

after the shower, my mom and i headed over to my sisters so i could meet my new niece! she is almost three months and twelve pounds of pure pretty.

i've done a few things i'm proud of in my life. but i think one of my proudest moments was when i walked in the front door and my nephew saw me, got a huge smile and ran over to give me a big hug and called me "aunt jesse."

i'm sure i'm biased, but even with the buzz cut he is pretty much the cutest kid. his parents might disagree, but even his tantrums are cute. the way he scrunches his nose and the crease he gets in his forehead. a-dor-able. but i also can just sit back and watch.

he let me tuck him in both nights which was pure heaven. i know we are related because he has like 298 stuffed animals in his bed. just like i do did.

monday we went to the zoo and he only wanted to hold my hand (until i took him away from the elephants too soon) and kept asking "what's next?" he is getting tall enough where i don't have to look like the hunchback of notre dame to reach him. and his sweet hand in mine is as good as it gets.

side note: have you ever seen an elephant poop? if you haven't, put it on your bucket list. it's pretty incredible.

weekend highlights also included: seeing my college dance partner-in-crime chalee. back in the day we broke it down, on stage mind you, to mary j. blige and whoop there it is. our costumes were even more awesome. my college roomie, meggers came to the zoo with us. belgium waffles for breakfast. and a FRIENDLYS MILKSHAKE. (i have been dying for it since my last one in february at that half marathon)

and teaching aidan the magic of maple seeds...

hello, pinocchio!

and that folks is four days of perfection. a memorial day* to remember that's for sure.

*this weekend was made possible by the men and women who have served or are serving our country. THANK YOU! 

for the love of disney, volume one.

if you know me you know i love disney. i have so much to say about the most magical place on earth. but i'll start with this.

you know that game six degrees of seperation? where you connect joe schmoe with george clooney by saying he's your uncle's brother's cousin's roommate's dog sitter's boyfriend. well i can do that with pretty much anything or anyone and disney. minus five connections.

i have the uncanny ability to relate anyone, anytime or anything to a disney character, movie, ride, theme park or something that happened to me in, at or around disney. actually i think it's more like a superpower.

your dog? looks like the dog in lady in the tramp. yes, your dog is a tramp.

oh you went to new orleans? well have you seen princess and the frog? there is a little girl i know and the ONLY way i can remember her name is to think of princess tiana. that has nothing to do with new orleans besides the fact that princess tiana lived in nola and cooked delicious cajun food. and turned into a frog.

had a great margarita at your cinco de mayo party? i can tell you where to get a better one in epcot.

your camfire smells like spaceship earth.

i realized this super power when this weekend i stubbed my toe. no, seriously i did. and my first thought, after "ow, don't fall people are watching, just keep walking (ahem, nemo reference)" was "that reminds me of this one time i was in disney."

by the way, i say "this one time, when i was at band camp disney" more often than mickey himself. if you were in high school in the late 90s then you get that reference.

anyways, i was at the house of blues in downtown disney for july 4th with some friends to see a free show. i think the band was matt and kim? mike and kat? who can remember. the point is i was at disney without john (gasp!) and at the place we met no less.

yes, i met my former boyfriend in disney world. and it was a fairytale. minus fairies. more on that later.

this is a super flattering picture of the night we met. 

moving on (ha! no irony there)

since my mom reads this i'll just say that i may or may not have been drinking too many mojitos lemonades and breaking it down on the dance floor. i was jumping and shaking it all over the place when my non-dancey friend totally stepped on my toe. hard. maybe he thought i should stop jumping and shaking. no, i think it was just an accident. i'm a pretty good dancer.

there was blood and toenail breakage. i made many totally sober phone calls to john with some tears and lots of i miss you babys. and i never call anyone baby. i blame that on the lemonade. i called him at least a bajillion times from the bathroom at the house of blues, the cab and plenty more times at our hotel to tell him how bad my toe was. that he should fix it. all the way from indiana.

so yes, when i tripped on that rock, it was just like that one time at disney. minus the band, the dancing, the non-dancey friend and especially the lemonade. oh, and the phone calls. but my toe really did hurt.

point is i'm a very graceful person with one unfortunate toe who can connect anything to disney. in fact, i think disney should pay me to do this.

ps. i mean i'm pretty sure i can do this. i find myself mentioning disney in conversation ten times daily. you can test me but i can't guarantee my rate of success. but i'm pretty good. 

pps. if you're my mom you get my lemonade reference from senior prom. i may or may not have had a lot of lemonade then too.

ode to johnny.

i wouldn't be here if it weren't for johnny mathis. (seriously, it was my parents first date). normally i'm not a fan of cheesy ballad singers like neil diamond or barry manilow. but when i hear mr. mathis's vibrato i instantly feel at home.

did you watch the season finale of desperate housewives? if you didn't, you didn't miss much. but if you did, you would have heard johnny singing about love and loss at the end of the show. if you were me you would have instantly known your mom would be crying.

but i digress.

the point is that there were so many factors that had to come together for me to be here today, typing this post. i've always thought this and it has contributed to my bigger feelings about faith and life. and i've always abided by the "everything happens for a reason" rule.

but lately i've been having a hard time with that.

i've seen friends meet, marry, have babies in the 3.5 year span that john and i were together. i can't help but want the same for us. but here we are living states away, leading seperate lives. was it not meant to be? is there a reason? or are we screwing with fate?
i read recently that "comparison is the theif of joy" and there is so much truth to that. if i compare us to other thems, it will only make me unhappy. if i compare myself to you, or her, or kim kardashian i will either end up feeling unfairly better about myself (ahem, kim) or more likely short-handed. i can only be me and if i try to be someone else, i will be unhappy.

it just looks so much greener on the other side.

but if i keep thinking that i'll cheat myself on my own life. i have to enjoy what i have, and i really do have a lot. just because someone else's life looks better doesn't mean that mine isn't great. just because i want something different doesn't mean that i don't have what i need.

even if i don't like the things that have happened doesn't mean they didn't happen for a reason. too many double negatives there? 

anways, i realize there are much worse things out there that i could be dealing with. and perhaps i'm being over dramatic. i just want to be sure i'm on the right path. that johnny mathis's ballads are not wasted and that one day i'll really appreciate one of his cheesy love songs.

letting go.

i have had to let a lot of things go lately. and i'm not good at that.

you're talking about the girl that still has a notebook from kindergarten and her first teddy bear (well really the second one since i lost the first one in the mall when i was little).

first i let go of the mission i felt so passionate about. except i didn't really let go of that, i just traded it in for a new one and serve the old one as a volunteer. and i didn't let go of the 5K i panned for habitat either.

then i let go of john when he moved back to indiana. that one is still hard. when you are with someone for a long time it takes a little while to stop looking back. so many of my memories are of us and so many of them are good. (you tend to remember the bad ones less). i'm slowly prying my fingers off the choke hold i have on the "what-ifs" on that one.

i've been letting go of expectations, judgements, grudges, some hopes and wishes. or trying to, at least. my disney annual pass. (another hard one). maybe some weight, in my dreams. i've also been letting go of a large chunk of my bank account thanks to some self-prescribed retail therapy.

most recently i let go of the habitrot. my baby. my proudest accomplishment since moving here (besides buying my house). in a way it's liberating and in another way it is totally devastating. but they say doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. so after 5 years, i decided it was time to move on.

i guess it hasn't all been letting go. there's been some trading, some gaining and some moving forward. on occasionally there is some wallowing.

i've been doing a spring cleaning of my house, getting rid of all my accumulated junk, i realized it's hard to move forward when you are carrying baggage of your past. sometimes its really painful to throw something away but once it's gone, you hardly miss it.

just don't expect me to throw away that notebook and teddy bear.

running makes me...

stronger. confident. peaceful. resilient. independent. sore. driven.
beautiful. sane. fast. out of breath. move. alive. grateful. fit. thoughtful.
interesting. inspired. athletic. tired. happy. fierce. aware. healthy.
sweaty. challenged. thinner. prepared. successful. blessed. tough.
proud. inspired. adventurous. patient (well, kind of). fun. consistent.
connected. joyful. balanced. competitive. compassionate. persistent.

(and i didn't even use a thesaurus.)

running has given me a lot, from goals set and achieved, to bruises that have scarred over. it's given me muscles and a sense of self.

but most of all it makes me a better person and i'm so lucky an old friend gave me this gift and i'm honored to keep putting one foot in front of the other in his memory.

after my first 5K.

every once in a while i find a source of inspiration in the pages of runner's world. i have had this one article on my fridge for months. it's about an undertrained runner faced with fierce competition prevailed to win the chicago marathon. the end reads...

"[he] has run faser races, he has won more celebrated races, but he has never run a more insporing race. he proved that even when you are not at 100% you can still give 100% of what you have. and he showed that believing in yourself is the most important principle of success."

if that's not a lesson in life and running i don't know what is. it's one that i strive to remember and apply to each day and each run (in a perfect world i do this, sometimes i need to be reminded).

because running makes me. i better give myself 100%.

maybe one day...

saturday was a big day. as 300 runners toed the starting line, it was the FIFTH time i got to shout "on your mark, get set, go!" as the race director. and then almost get run over by everyone's enthusiasm.

i started this event as my community service project requirement for my americorps service term. i was only 23 and wanted to cross "plan a 5K" off my bucket list. (seriously, it was on the list). who would have known it would have been the event that changed my life. who would have known that i would still be doing it five years later.

that first 5K taught me to be resourseful. it taught me that i am capable of accomplshing big things. 200 people ran that race and we raised over $5,000. by the end of the day, i knew i wanted to plan events.

this fifth time was no different. last year we added a kids run that we continued this year. seeing 20 kids run their hearts out and get excited over the dollar-store medal i hang around their necks warms my heart. when the 300 runners stampede past me after sounding the starting gun, i get goosebumps.

they are here because of my efforts. i am repsonsible for them having a good time. while this comes with enormous pressure it is something that i thrive on knowing. i want them to walk away feeling like they had a great time, even if their race time wasn't great. i want them to want to come back next year.

and as i ran back and forth organizing volunteers, cheering on the finishers, making sure everyone had water, greeting friends and giving out awards, i couldn't have been happier. to have so many people come out and support Habitat while doing something active and enjoying themselves is immensly gratifying.



this is pretty much how it feels.

 there is a lot of work that goes into three hours that just fly by. it couldn't be done without an awesome committee, generous sponsors and some fabulous volunteer. for them i am so grateful.

when i came home i was reading an article in runner's world magazine about the man who organizes the boston marathon. he and i have a lot in common (of course everything he does is on a way bigger scale, like times 1,000). but we have the same dream of not making it to the starting line and the same feelings on race day.

all i could think while reading is, i want to be him.

who new one bucket list item would inspire a new dream. to work for runDisney planning their races. (i mean running AND disney, could it get more perfect?) maybe one day.

welcome to the neighborhood.

let me preface this post by saying that i'm fortunate enough to have been able to purchase my own home(all on my own!) at the ripe old age of 25.

however with my budget this does not buy the best neighborhood. i learn this more and more each day.

when i bought, the house next to me had just been sold and they were doing a lot to fix it up. great for my property value! only they seem to be renting it out to vacationers as there are new cars there each week. but most recently an SUV with a trailer pulled up this weekend and I couldn't figure if they were unloading or loading it, there was just a lot of crap. including a taxidermied cat.

the next house down belongs to some kind of drug addict that does house projects in the middle of the night to the sounds of techno music. in the morning when i walk bailey i often notice that the house has been re-painted, the mailbox changed, the trim painted ORANGE AND PURPLE.

one guy a block over has two dogs that bailey loves and since he was always letting them out of his yard, we often had to stop to say hello. apparently they tried to attacked this old lady nearby and so they are now fenced in. and i'm glad because he seems to have weird parties out in his pool every night and i have determined him sketchy.

back to that old lady, john once brought over a piece of mail of hers that had come to my house. she made him take out her trash because she was afraid of those dogs.

another neighbor across the way owns at least four houses on the block. he often parades between them shirtless. he should wear a shirt. one of his homes is empty, run down, over grown and seems to serve as a parking lot for either his mobile dog-grooming vehicle or one of his older collector cars.

there is a crazy dog lady. and no, it's not me.

but i saved the best for last. LARRY.

larry started off friendly enough. however, he quickly crossed over into creepy. ocassionally he would move some things on my property like an outdated election sign, a fallen over solar light. i'm sure he thought he was helpful but i was starting to get weirded out.

then one time after a weekend away, he knocked on my door as soon as i got in and handed me ADT stickers and said next time i go away, i should put them up. really larry? i'm most afraid of YOU.

another time when john and i came back from a weekend away, i had just gotten out of the car when he yelled over to ask if i keep my dog in the house all weekend. yes larry, call animal control, i left bailey in her crate for 72 hours. NOT. (granted he was just offering to take her in when i was away but its all in the approach, buddy).

but the kicker is the letter i received in my mailbox this week. at first glance it is a neighborly note hinting that i should probably mow my lawn. upon second glance i realized it was actually a poem.

"as i do not care either way, should you want to use my new mower, you may! have a great day!"

most peoples reaction to a letter reminding them that their lawn could be the stage set for the little shop of horrors would be embarassment and shame. but i find this hysterical. and weird. one friend suggested i write back "your neighborly gesture would have made me quite weepy, unfortunately you're poem just made you seem creepy." i couldn't have said it better myself.

and i still cannot find it in me to drag out my broken mower and shed sweat and tears to mow my weeds and sand because larry wrote me a poem. but maybe i will find someone to help me. just not him.

afterall, my house is not the worst on the block. at least i'm normal. i think.
like mr. rogers said, it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood!

adventures in shoe shopping

i make a horrible girl. i HATE shoe shopping with a passion.

there are a few reasons for this. first, i have long toes. not every style flatters them. i'm fairly tall and broad shouldered so if you put me in anything higher than 3-4 inches i feel like a drag queen. most importantly, i hate spending money on shoes.

i don't really know why this is. i have no problem buying running shoes at the drop of a hat. lacking inspiration to run, new sneakers! forgot my sneakers for the weekly bridge loop, no problem i'm leaving from the running store i'll just buy new ones! slight ache in my knee, shin, or toe...you got it! new sneakers! and sneakers ain't cheap.

most of the other shoes in my closet were gifts, from college, or purchased for $30 or less. i favor gold sandals and the pair i wear most often is so worn down that the sole is flapping. this causes me to trip, often. it is starting to get embarassing so i decided to bite the bullet and go shoe shopping.

now if little old vero had a DSW this might not be so bad but i started with payless. fail. shoe carnival, double fail. macy's...well i'm under the age of 60, so fail. this was all in one afternoon and after three failed attempts i started to have an anxiety attack. why do they make the shoes so tall! why do they all cost more than $30! i started to question the meaning of life, it was a mess.

to make a long story short, after many stores, a lot of back and forth, some returns to make...i finally found a pair that fit the bill! hooray, i am a girl afterall.

(but i still prefer my sneakers and broken down sandals).

crazy dog lady.

in college i had a professor who was a crazy cat lady. she lent me a book once that she plucked out of some kitty litter in her car and dusted off the cat hair. recently my friend one-upped me and told me she had a professor who was actually married to her cats.

well i'm no crazy cat lady but i'm well on my way to being a crazy dog lady. which may or may not be better than a cat lady. (and i mean its totally better, no offense).

why? because dogs love you back and they don't make you work for it. my dog runs with me not away from me. she uses the bathroom OUTSIDE.

can your cat do that?

but i digress. this isn't about my opinion on why dogs are better than cats. this is how i'm becoming a crazy dog lady.

if it weren't for bailey these past few weeks i might have gone crazy. with no one around to talk to she has become a great listener. she is constantly by my side and endures many smothering hugs and kisses. i'm so grateful to have her in my life.


i got her from the humane society about a year ago. it was hard not to take all the dogs home. but i spotted her and thought she looked like a dessert, and that was perfect for me.

she used to try and jet out the door whenever i opened it. now she knows this is home and where she wants to stay.



she has taught me a lot about life. she approaches a car ride and a four mile run with the same excitement, a smile plastered on her face the whole time, her tounge hanging out. she doesn't get flustered even when the neighbor dogs are barking their heads off at her.

last weekend we went to a puppy class. we had tried a few months ago and got a "certificate of attendance,"  not acheivement. this time she was teacher's pet. they told me she was a quick study and kept using her as an example for the rest of the class. as a dog mom, i coudln't have been prouder. (this weekend we went back and i realized the class was really for me, not her).

but it was at this class i noticed how i'm inching closer to crazy dog lady. i talked to her like she was a person. when she looked at me i was pretty sure i knew what she was thinking.

i think she gets me too. she seems to sense when i need to laugh and does something silly. when she sees that i'm sad she looks at me with sympathy. she is the best company i could ask for.

it has taking me a while to write this post. it is hard to put into words how much a pet means to you. i don't think i've done it justice. but there you have it, from a crazy dog lady.

there is so much joy to be had right now.

the past few weeks i have wanted so badly to throw myself a pity party, to wallow in my sadness. but then all my friends and family have flooded me with good news and happiness of their own and i found it near impossible to attend my own party.

friends have announced engagements, weddings, babies and cancer remissions. i am so, so happy for all their joys and triumphs. i have seen some of them go through rough patches like this so i'm encouraged that there is hope for me. i will have happy news to flood them with. some day.

and there are happy things happening to me right now, so i wallow in those instead.

my goal has always been to be that crazy, silly aunt that my nephews and neices find to be both wacky and their best friend. so when my nephew associates me with dancing shoes and jazz hands, i think i am well on my way.

(captions courtesy of poppop.)

and how special it is, being an aunt. when i hear my nephew's sweet voice saying "hi aunt jesse, i love you" i feel like i might bust open. when he favors my gifts over others, i feel connected. when i see pictures of him with his "hair" (usually a blue snuggie, but in a pinch, a shirt will do) i feel incredibly lucky to have such a unique, creative soul to call my nephew.

so imagine my elation at getting the phone call this friday, "it's a girl!" elizabeth jane was born this friday and i have waited four long days to announce it. i now have a nephew AND a niece, a match set to smother in love. and she is perfect from her button nose to her long schmitt toes. i can't wait to dress her in a tutu and teach her how to "rond de jambe."

when aidan was born, i cried my little eyes out because i was so far away. this time i was even further but i kept my cool. i know what to expect this time. just because i wasn't there the day they were born doesn't make me love them less. it makes me treasure them more. and i just can't wait to love this little one up.

 



baby sister looks just like baby brother when he was born.





i mean how could you not be happy looking at these precious little look alike babies.

i can throw that pity party another day. there is so much joy to be had right now.

falling from grace (or being less than graceful).

i have fallen more times than most when running.

the first time was in college, it was a bit traumatic actually. it was the anniversary of the friend's death that had first motivated me to run and i wanted to run in his honor. even though it was the middle of the day i began to get followed by a white car. distracted by that and a house for sale i didn't notice the lip in the sidewalk. somehow i ended up on my stomach facing the opposite way i had been running.  bleeding from three major joints, i continued to run.

i spotted the creeper twice before i realized it was time to cut my losses and head back. i tried to out-smart the guy by running down one-way streets where he couldn't follow. i was glad to get home until i realized i didn't own a single band-aid.

fast forward a few years to my weekly wednesday night group bridge loop run on a particularly dark night. another lip, another trip. i got up as quick as i had gone down.

only twice you ask? oh no, my friend. the very next week i doubled that count, in one run.

it was a particularly windy day. my sneakers came with extremely long laces which had never bothered me before. well the wind blue up one bunny ear, the other shoe got caught in it. hog tied, i slammed into the ground. on an already bruised knee. on the top of the bridge. running into oncoming traffic. with no barrier between me and the cars. not only embarassed but in fear for my safety i got up and got running.

it hurt. but i was determined to finish. i got to the end of the bridge. another gust of wind, another hog tie, and i was down for the count. this time i had an audience of runners passing me. embarassed yet again, i realized something was telling me to just go home. i walked the rest of the way to the group's meeting point where everyone wanted to tell me their falling stories and i just wanted to cry my eyes out.

this time i already knew i had no band-aids at home, so bloody, bruised and swollen i headed to the nearest cvs. i am now fully stocked for the next decade of falls.

because i'm sure that i'm not done falling yet. (why yes, this is a metaphor for life.)

this week has been one big fall from grace. it has hurt pretty bad. with all my practice, i know i'll eventually pick up the pieces, and continue running. but in the meantime, i have plenty of band-aids to patch me together.

especially the ones with buzz lightyear on them. they always cheer me up.

birds of a feather

i don't have good luck with birds.

i was standing by the see-saw in elementary school when i felt something hit my head. curiously, i put my hand up to see what it was. i found a substance that looked curiously like my sandwich that day, and for one weird moment i thought, "i ate my whole sandwich...so how did i get it in my hair?" and then it hit me. bird poop.

i figured it out at about the same time as all the other see-sawers who kindly pointed and laughed as i ran off to the school nurse. she tried her best to wipe it out with those smelly brown paper towels. but i had to go the rest of the day with crusty crap on my head.

it doesn't end there.

in fifth grade on a fishing trip, i got bird shit on my leg. fortunately my dad was there to save the day.

fast forward to adulthood. while on the beach with my parents, more bird poop on my head. this tme i had a very adult reaction, i cried. why me, birds? why me?

even further into adulthood while driving to disney, john shouts "duck!" so naturally, we both duck in our seats. in that moment i see an actual duck struggling to get out of the way of my windshield and failing, cue thud. i didn't know if i should laugh or cry so i did both. john had to ask me to run the windshield wipers to get rid of the big wet streak that poor duck left in its wake.

this is not that duck. although i was assured it was ok.

a few months later, i was doing some christmas shopping outlets. it was a windy day and as i took my next step i saw the wind blow something under my foot. i tried to change my footing but as my right foot went down i felt something soft and squishy under it. i was afraid to look back, and i never should have.

i had stepped on a bird. don't even ask how that is possible.

i called john. i called my sister. i cried. bless her heart, she said the bird was probably sick and i put it out of its misery.

and it doesn't even end there.

back in disney last weekend we were walking from canada to england when i felt something hit my head and then saw bird poop hit the ground in front of me. it was the see-saw all over. john pointed and laughed as i shrunk off to the bathroom and wiped it out of my hair with toilet paper.

i text my sister who gave me the standard "that means good luck" reply. everybody who has NEVER been pooped on, says this.

now, i don't have a bad life by any means. i feel pretty fortunate. i wouldn't mind being a little richer, but who wouldn't. i don't even dislike birds. (well with the exception of lunch-stealing seagulls). everytime i see a cardinal, i feel my grandma nana close by. i wouldn't change anything about my life.

no, i just wish i had better luck with birds.

back in the game.

i took a whole week off from running. it was fabulous and frustrating at the same time. some days i enjoyed the lazy afternoons, others i had to stop myself from lacing up. i can't say i was any more productive with my time. some days i was even less so.

and then i needed it. i needed to get out there and "pound that pavement."

sunday morning the dog went 4 miles with me. i hadn't taken her in a while because of the distances i had been going. i could tell she missed it by the pace she kept and the way her ears flopped around from her bouncy stride. she makes running fun. most of the time.

last night i needed to get out there and just run my butt off. i think best when i run and then sometimes i run not to think. last night was one of those nights. one of my favorite phish songs repeatedly sings that "you've got to run like an antelope out of control."

that was me. i was that antelope.

i ran as fast as i could for 3.25 miles and just enjoyed going fast and thought of nothing else. it felt so good. and while justin timberlake and the killers belted it out on my ipod all i could hear was "run like an antelope out of control."

their are good runs and bad runs, fast runs and runs that seem to be endless. their are runs that clear the head and other that fill the heart. and there are the runs that will just plain kick your butt.

but i'd still rather get out there and get going.

a half marathon is not half as hard.

yesterday i completed my sixth half marathon.

it was not nearly my favorite or fastest. in fact it was my third worst time coming in four minutes behind my second half marathon, and fourteen behind my first. every once in a while a person needs to be humbled.

in the past few weeks i was looking forward to this half as if it were just another long run. i thought i've done this five times before, i know i can do it. and while that was true, i can do it and i did, i thought it would be a lot easier than it was.

perhaps it was the frantic search for porta potties with toilet paper and the incredibly long line we waited on that left me no time to psych myself up at the start line. there was that cramp that kicked my butt (or really my stomach) from mile four to six. or maybe it was the 40 degree warmer tempurature and 100 percent humidity change from the last time that made the difference. i could even blame it on the lack of good music and cheering on the route, although the grand piano on the top of the bridge was a nice touch. or maybe that gummy bear i almost choked on did me in.

but i don't want to make excuses. i know i was in better shape last time. but a girl can dream.

it started out almost like any other race. i still got the same excitement at the countdown and as my feet started moving i said a little prayer as usual. my ipod helped start a good pace. i tried to remember all the reasons i run. repeat mantras like "do work" and "every step is one step closer." but then each mile seemed longer than the last and it was all down hill from there.

don't get me wrong, it wasn't all bad. it's just that the last race i ran, i felt awesome almost the whole time. i could have danced my way through those 13.1 miles. granted, it was in disney, where the crowds were 100 times larger and the weather was so cold i couldn't feel my legs. i just didn't get that high on life feeling this time around, and i missed it.

but it can't be all sunshine and roses.

at mile 13 there was a man down. oxegyn, stretcher, paramedics and all. i can't stop thinking of how close he was to get that finishers metal. how cruel it must feel to be that close to the end and to fall short.

so i should be grateful to have crossed that finish line. placing 28 out of 70 in my age division. i am thankful for the ability and strength to run those long 13.1 miles (and yes, that .1 does make a difference!). i gave it my best and i'll give it more next time.

when i picked up my race number at the expo the day before, i saw a shirt that said "13.1, i don't go all the way." what a load of crap (sorry mom). just because i don't run a full marathon, doesn't mean it isn't hard.

just because it's half the distance doesn't mean i put in half the effort.

not every race can be your best, but you should take pride in the effort. in crossing the finish line. heck, in even getting to the starting line!

it had to be.

i've always been an advocate of the saying, "things happen for a reason, just believe." there is some larger force out there putting together all the pieces of your life like a jigsaw puzzle. sometimes it takes a few pieces to come together before you can see the larger picture.

i used to joke that my last name was "with habitat." i always was introducing my self as "jessica, with habitat." the thought of trading in my last name for a new one was incredibly frightening. i had so ingrained my persona around my work with habitat. not being on staff anymore made me feel like i was leaving the cool kids table at the cafeteria.

this weekend as i became a true habitat volunteer and spent the morning painting in the glorious florida sunshine, a little voice in my head kept saying "it had to be."

it was a peaceful thought after a lot of struggle and a big dose of change. to know that the choices i had made were right and good and fit in my life puzzle.

and being a volunteer was wonderful. it felt good to commit my saturday morning to something i believe in, not just something i get paid for. standing in the sunshine painting baseboards all morning was a joy. then i took my "little" out to the library (first time i've been in 4 years, long story), to sonic where we pigged out, and to the beach to make a sandcastle. in january.



and i thanked my lucky stars for all of the pieces that have come together to put me where i am today and i know, it had to be, and it will be okay. great, even.

big changes. big runs.

i have worked for habitat for over four years and this friday was my last day. i know it was just a few weeks ago that i posted about why i build. that will never change. but sometimes life presents you with opportunities to you that you just have to snap up and today i started my new role at the boys and girls club of irc.

i'm excited about the new expieriences that will be afforded to me working for another solid non-profit with a worthy mission. i'm excited about all the new people i will meet and the things i will learn. i'm even more excited about having a full weekend off.

a part of my heart will always remain with habitat and i'm sure many of my saturdays will be spent on the build site and now i can just enjoy it. i still plan to organize the HabiTrot.

speaking of running, i have unofficially committed myself to running a half marathon on february 5th. with this goal in mind i headed out for an 11 mile run on sunday. anyone who runs double digit miles is probably considered insane to the general population. however my 11 miles paled in comparison to a friend who ran 23 the same day.

i read a story once about a guy around my age with cystic fibrosis. he runs marathons. if that isn't a good reason to get off the couch, i don't know what is. sunday morning i got up, laced up, and got running. sometimes i felt tired, sometimes hungry but the whole time i felt grateful.

grateful for the ability to get out there and run, and keep running for two hours. not everyone has their health and strength to get out and run. i do, so i shouldn't take it for granted. it was a beautiful day and a beautiful opportunity to be thankful for my life, my health, my family and friends, and all that lay ahead.

i was also pretty thankful for the breakfast burritos john cooked up when i got home :)

nothing.

i ran for an hour yesterday, and i thought about...nothing. and it was glorious. a peaceful respite in a week full of overwhelming. and so i thought i'd share so i could remember what it was like not to feel like i am going crazy.