welcome to the neighborhood.

let me preface this post by saying that i'm fortunate enough to have been able to purchase my own home(all on my own!) at the ripe old age of 25.

however with my budget this does not buy the best neighborhood. i learn this more and more each day.

when i bought, the house next to me had just been sold and they were doing a lot to fix it up. great for my property value! only they seem to be renting it out to vacationers as there are new cars there each week. but most recently an SUV with a trailer pulled up this weekend and I couldn't figure if they were unloading or loading it, there was just a lot of crap. including a taxidermied cat.

the next house down belongs to some kind of drug addict that does house projects in the middle of the night to the sounds of techno music. in the morning when i walk bailey i often notice that the house has been re-painted, the mailbox changed, the trim painted ORANGE AND PURPLE.

one guy a block over has two dogs that bailey loves and since he was always letting them out of his yard, we often had to stop to say hello. apparently they tried to attacked this old lady nearby and so they are now fenced in. and i'm glad because he seems to have weird parties out in his pool every night and i have determined him sketchy.

back to that old lady, john once brought over a piece of mail of hers that had come to my house. she made him take out her trash because she was afraid of those dogs.

another neighbor across the way owns at least four houses on the block. he often parades between them shirtless. he should wear a shirt. one of his homes is empty, run down, over grown and seems to serve as a parking lot for either his mobile dog-grooming vehicle or one of his older collector cars.

there is a crazy dog lady. and no, it's not me.

but i saved the best for last. LARRY.

larry started off friendly enough. however, he quickly crossed over into creepy. ocassionally he would move some things on my property like an outdated election sign, a fallen over solar light. i'm sure he thought he was helpful but i was starting to get weirded out.

then one time after a weekend away, he knocked on my door as soon as i got in and handed me ADT stickers and said next time i go away, i should put them up. really larry? i'm most afraid of YOU.

another time when john and i came back from a weekend away, i had just gotten out of the car when he yelled over to ask if i keep my dog in the house all weekend. yes larry, call animal control, i left bailey in her crate for 72 hours. NOT. (granted he was just offering to take her in when i was away but its all in the approach, buddy).

but the kicker is the letter i received in my mailbox this week. at first glance it is a neighborly note hinting that i should probably mow my lawn. upon second glance i realized it was actually a poem.

"as i do not care either way, should you want to use my new mower, you may! have a great day!"

most peoples reaction to a letter reminding them that their lawn could be the stage set for the little shop of horrors would be embarassment and shame. but i find this hysterical. and weird. one friend suggested i write back "your neighborly gesture would have made me quite weepy, unfortunately you're poem just made you seem creepy." i couldn't have said it better myself.

and i still cannot find it in me to drag out my broken mower and shed sweat and tears to mow my weeds and sand because larry wrote me a poem. but maybe i will find someone to help me. just not him.

afterall, my house is not the worst on the block. at least i'm normal. i think.
like mr. rogers said, it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood!