dear 16 year old me.

i have the attention span of a five year old, so being contained on a plan for 2.5 hours as an adult (read: can't throw a tantrum) is difficult. i wasn't particularly invested in the book i was reading and i couldn't fall asleep so my options were airline magazine and sky mall. however they ended up giving me an idea for this post that i marinated over during my 5.5 mile bridge loop run last night

the first thing i read was an article about a book of letters celebrities wrote to their 16 year old selves. its amazing how different you are from when you were 16 and what would have been helpful for an older you to tell yourself back then.

the next thing that struck my interest was in the sky mall magazine. it was a sign with a quote from christopher robin talking to winnie the pooh. it read "promise me you'll always remember you're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." i thought it was so profound that i took out my phone, put it on airplane mode (what does this accomplish really) and typed it out on my notepad.

it wasn't until mile three of my run last night that i put the two ideas together. if i was writing to myself at 16, i would tell me what christopher robin told pooh.

you're braver than you believe.
you will accomplish and do things you can't imagine right now. you will move far away from friends and family and that new community will be come your own. you will have the opportunity to travel new places to build homes for people that need them. you will get up on a roof and do work that is so much more important than that book report. or that boy you are crushing on. you will take leaps of faith and it will be ok.

you're stronger than you seem.
i know you are really into dance and golf right now but someday you will run a half marathon and find out how strong you really are. you laugh because you can't even run a mile right now and would never lace up and head out the door. but running will give you a sense of accomplishment and strength which will spill into every other area of your life. you're capable of more than you realize.

you're smarter than you think.
true, math doesn't make any sense. it won't really get any better, but that's ok. you will put together a 5k that will raise loads of money for a good cause. you will buy a house all by yourself when you are 25. (ok math would have helped here). you may not go to unc but that will not define you. you are smart when it counts, despite what that physics test says.  give yourself more credit.

some other things you should know include (but are not limited to):
your mom will always be right, and she'll always be your very best friend.
enjoy that pizza every night and two donuts for dessert while you can.
you will never have abs. see previous note.
do something with your hair.
that bump in your nose. learn to love it, its not going away.
it really is better to give than to receive.
that college that you and you're sister proclaimed "we would never go here." you're going there.
don't be afraid to try.
don't be afraid to fail.

you don't know everything. you still won't even when you're 27.

what would you say to your 16 year old self? what will i say to my 27 year old self in 10, 20, 50 years?

we are family.

running has a way of calming my nerves and cheering me up most of the time. there are some times though that running doesn't work for that, only family does.

this is one of those times. but more about that in the new year. more about my family now.

when i'm trying to make a decision there is nothing i like to hear less than "you have to do what's right for you." because if i knew what was right, i would have decided already.

i've never been good at making decisions. my family will listen to me go back and forth, fret over every little detail, each cause and effect. they will let me cry and tell me everything is ok. and it usually is. my mom in particular will talk at length about how special i am and remind me of all i've accomplished. and i'm not saying i'm more special than the next person, but it's still nice to hear. and in the end, i know that whatever i choose my family is there 100%.

this Christmas will be the first not at 18 canterbury. that will be weird. no Christmas village taking over the house, no fabulous light display on our back porch only for us to see. no Christmas eve party with the cousins. but i am looking forward to setting some new traditions with my sister and her family (my precious nephew aidan). and most of all, i am looking forward to spending it with family, no matter where we are.

my family is made up of those chosen for me (and how lucky i am) and those i chose. and i am so grateful for each and every person.

turkey day 5k.

since i work saturdays, i don't often get the opportunity to run in any local 5Ks. i was excited  to run one this thanksgiving in wonderful brazil, indiana. a little bit cold, not too scenic, and full of pot holes i finished in a respectable time of 25:49 and secured a participants medal which was given to the first 100 of 151 runners. (to be honest, i was pretty hell bent on getting that medal as i did not want to leave empty handed).

and actually it was more than a little bit cold for me. coming from 80 degrees the night before, the low 40s felt like freezing. i borrowed a hat from a friend which had ear flaps and pom poms that flopped around as i ran. this amused both me and every runner i passed or passed me, i'm sure.

this is how 5K's usually go for me. before it starts i'm almost sick to my stomach nervous even though it's not like i'm trying to win. i think my body is dreading mile 3 so its trying to throw in the towel early. when i start the race, i have so much fun...watching people pass me. i remind myself not to go out too fast and enjoy the scenery. mile two i start passing some people and that feels pretty good. mile 3 i hate life. i'm almost always sure i'm going to throw up at the end. the last .1 mile i try to run my heart out. i'm ususally suprised how much i have left in me and i feel bad ass coming in strong. when i see my time i always think i could have shaved off a few seconds.

i find it funny that something that makes me feel so awful when i'm in it can be so addicting. but the sense of accomplishment that comes in crossing that finish line is what makes it worth it. when you place in your age division, its even better. it's knowing that i set a goal and i completed it. a reason to be proud of myself (especially if i had a good time). when it's 13.1 miles i could bust i'm so proud.

i can't imagine running a marathon. but it's on the bucket list. hold me to it.

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another year older.

i went to bed at 9:30 on my 27th birthday. my 21 year old self would be so embarassed by this statement.

i guess its how you spend the hours of your birthday celebrating not how many. and spending the better part of the morning on a roof nailing shingles took its toll. plus it helped knowing that i'd be celebrating in indiana and disney world in the days/weeks to come. but don't get me wrong, the first words out of my mouth on sunday morning were "my birthday's over!" with a full on pout because it would be another whole year before it was november 19th again.

anyways, the grown up me took this birthday easy and enjoyed working alongside volunteers and homebuyers, hanging out with the dog and enjoying a nice date tucked in a dark booth in Carabba's sipping yummy sangria.

queen of the couch

bailey guarded the couch while i opened presents, including a card with her paw print. and i'm so lucky because i got everything i wanted and more. lovely gifts, thoughtful cards, a loving family and great friends nearby and far away. and i stuck my toes in the ocean. what more could a girl ask for?

windblown but grateful to be at the beach on nov 19

oh yea, a cook OUT at the beach surrounded by some of those lovely nearby friends. beacuse everyone knows me so well, there were more desserts than food. and it was perfect.

even if i did go to bed early.

because i'm blessed. and birthdays are a time to celebrate that. and if i focus on celebrating all that i have, i won't focus on how many years it took to get me here. (27 is scarily close to 3-0). i love that my birthday is right before thanksgiving because its a full week of being thankful. and lots of great dessert.

i build.

since i haven't had any major running revelations since the last post (don't fret, i've done many miles since then) i thought i would expand on my belief in the habitat mission.

i was blessed with many wonderful friends in college. one in particular helped change the path of my life and i'm so grateful for chalee, who i first met at rugby when we both briefly "played". chalee was always involved in something on campus, doing good for others. that year, she was leading the spring break trip to work for Habitat in miami. $150 for a week in miami? count me in.

we spent that week painting window frames, scraping the paint, repainting the frames, and cleaning our paint brushes. we stayed in a house with no furniture and two bathrooms for 16 people. not very glamorous, but i was hooked. the next year i went to jacksonville and my senior year i led a trip to flagler beach.
 

flagler beach build



in jacksonville i met americorps member who lived in a Habitat house and worked for the affiliate for a living stipend and an educational award. i set a goal to do a year of service after graduation and i did from 2007-2008 at indian river Habitat and i've been here ever since. even though i'm a paid staffer now i still like to get out on the build site and have participated in builds in mississippi, texas, georgia and iowa. each time more blessed than the last.

i build for the families. i was fortunate enough to grow up in a safe, cozy, stable home. not everyone is that lucky. a Habitat home gives a family a chance for stability. it gives kids a place to call home. a room of their own. i'm helping build their "forever home." how neat.

my little friend from africa checks out the view from his first very own room

i build because it challenges me. roofs scares me but i get up there because getting outside of your comfort zone is important. saturday i nailed through metal. a feat i thought impossible but with a little patience and some perseverance (and a very tired arm) i finished more than i thought i could. i'm always amazed how much i can do when i just keep trying. what important life lessons.

i build because the people i've met. i've made some wonderful friends on site. i've met the families whose stories made me grateful for my own family.

i build to see the fruits of my labor. i build every home as if it was my own.

i build because doing for others actually does more for me.

i build to give someone else a brighter future. because building has given me a brighter one.
 

so this saturday, on my 27th birthday, i will build and challenge all my friends to build with me (wherever you are!) because i can't think of a better way to celebrate life than to help improve others. i'm also going to add building overseas to my bucket list.

what will you build?

sunday runday.

i'm not a particularly religious person. this may shock some who know that i work for a christian ministry. basically i work for habitat because i LOVE the mission of habitat and knowing that we are profiding safe, decent "forever homes" for families in need. but more on that later.

every day on site and in meetings i'm asked to lead prayer and i do it. i say how thankful i am for the volunteers, the opportunity to serve and for safety. i mean every word. sometimes i'm asked which church i attend and i mumble something about changing churches, looking for the right fit. but the truth is, sunday long runs are my church.

every sunday morning i wake up bright and early (or really my dog wakes me up) and head to the beachside for a long run. somedays it takes changing into my running clothes and getting in the car before i talk myself out of it, but i'm always thankful once i'm out there.

sunday runs are one long prayer. a chance for me to think about the week behind me and the one ahead. i think about how thankful i am for my friends, family, and all the opportunities life has given me. i like to look around and drink everything in. the sunrise over the bridge, the way the ocean looks in the morning. (you've never seen anything like the sky in florida some days). this is all i need to know that i'm part of something much bigger than me.

i don't get that sitting in an uncomfortable church pew singing hymns i don't understand and listening to a sermon that i can't follow. sunday runs leave me refreshed, humble, and thankful...and just a little sore. but i get more out of them then any church i've been to. my church home is the route i chose to run. the membership is small, but its just the way i like it.

the brunch that follows isn't bad either, because i've earned it!

i run.

i've always had a love hate relationship with running. throughout grade school i was a dancer. i did NOT run. i think my PR was a 14 minute mile.

then keith died. i was a junior in college. he was a friend and co-worker and first person i knew well that died. he was too young. and so his friends planned a 5k in his memory and set up a scholarship fund. so i set up a goal to complete it. i had never run more than a mile consecutively. i trained on tredmills in our campus gym throughout the winter. it took me months to get there but it gave me purpose. i ran the first mile of that 5k in 7 minutes. needless to say, the rest of the race was difficult but i finished. and it felt good.

then i lost my purpose, so i set a new goal. a half marathon. clearly the next logical step after you finally are able to run 3 miles at once, is to try and run 13. i spent the rest of the summer "training" which meant i'd try to run for an hour at a time. i ran up down all the streets in sayville. when i got back to school in virginia, i ran all over fredericksburg. i was ready.

i convinced my friend brandon to go with me, he had hardly trained. we stayed at his house about 45 minutes away from the start. we ate the obligatory pasta and i risked some ice cream. i barely slept. (everytime i do any race, or direct a race, i dream that i miss the race so its better to stay awake). i wrote keith's initials on my wrist and ankles with the date of his death. i was doing this for him. if you give purpose to all those miles, it makes it go by faster, right?

i did it, i crossed that damn finish line with a heart full of pride, eyes full of tears, and legs full of pain. and i have never been the same. my mom has the picture, it is not pretty, but it means so much.

ever since i have defined myself by my running. i try to run fast, i strive to run long. when i have slacked off on my running i feel like a fake. when i try to get back into it and it hurts it's depressing. and then, like last night, i run 5.5 miles with a sweet soundtrack and some cool rain and i'm alive again. i'm me. and i run.

lessons dogs teach us

dogs have the life. they don't have to work.

i always feel bad leaving bailey in her crate when i leave for work. today i realized, i'm basically doing the same thing to myself, sticking myself behind a desk hours. at least the dog has a toy to play with and basically just sleeps all day.

somedays i just want to curl up in a ball on the couch.

(my parents dog, george. he always was a little off. )

when i went home for lunch i took bailey to doggy day care. she didn't even know she was going, she was just so excited to be in the car on an adventure. she had a big stupid grin on and her tongue hanging out and i thought, everyone should be this excited to go somewhere. and when we got to day care she would have opened the door herself if she could have. one time she tried to jump out the back windshield she was so excited to be there.

lesson to self: take pleasure in the small stuff. go somewhere! get yourself out of that box of a desk and do something!

my first blog.

i don't have anything profound or deep to say yet. i'm starting a blog because i'm a copy cat. i've stumbled upon some friend's blogs lately and thought...hey i want to do that too. i'm also starting it because i'm kind of bored. i want to start doing more with my life and this blog will hold me accountable.

on a lighter note...meet bailey, my dog.

she is good for laughs, hugs, and apparently helping me paint.

she is a super dog who is helping me keep running. seriously, she could do more miles if only her slow owner could! she is part ant eater (tounge) and part hyena (brindle coat). i can be having the worst day and i'll go home for lunch to walk her. those bouncy ears get me every time and put a smile on my face.

anyways, this isn't a blog about bailey. just don't ask me what it's about...yet!