a half marathon is not half as hard.

yesterday i completed my sixth half marathon.

it was not nearly my favorite or fastest. in fact it was my third worst time coming in four minutes behind my second half marathon, and fourteen behind my first. every once in a while a person needs to be humbled.

in the past few weeks i was looking forward to this half as if it were just another long run. i thought i've done this five times before, i know i can do it. and while that was true, i can do it and i did, i thought it would be a lot easier than it was.

perhaps it was the frantic search for porta potties with toilet paper and the incredibly long line we waited on that left me no time to psych myself up at the start line. there was that cramp that kicked my butt (or really my stomach) from mile four to six. or maybe it was the 40 degree warmer tempurature and 100 percent humidity change from the last time that made the difference. i could even blame it on the lack of good music and cheering on the route, although the grand piano on the top of the bridge was a nice touch. or maybe that gummy bear i almost choked on did me in.

but i don't want to make excuses. i know i was in better shape last time. but a girl can dream.

it started out almost like any other race. i still got the same excitement at the countdown and as my feet started moving i said a little prayer as usual. my ipod helped start a good pace. i tried to remember all the reasons i run. repeat mantras like "do work" and "every step is one step closer." but then each mile seemed longer than the last and it was all down hill from there.

don't get me wrong, it wasn't all bad. it's just that the last race i ran, i felt awesome almost the whole time. i could have danced my way through those 13.1 miles. granted, it was in disney, where the crowds were 100 times larger and the weather was so cold i couldn't feel my legs. i just didn't get that high on life feeling this time around, and i missed it.

but it can't be all sunshine and roses.

at mile 13 there was a man down. oxegyn, stretcher, paramedics and all. i can't stop thinking of how close he was to get that finishers metal. how cruel it must feel to be that close to the end and to fall short.

so i should be grateful to have crossed that finish line. placing 28 out of 70 in my age division. i am thankful for the ability and strength to run those long 13.1 miles (and yes, that .1 does make a difference!). i gave it my best and i'll give it more next time.

when i picked up my race number at the expo the day before, i saw a shirt that said "13.1, i don't go all the way." what a load of crap (sorry mom). just because i don't run a full marathon, doesn't mean it isn't hard.

just because it's half the distance doesn't mean i put in half the effort.

not every race can be your best, but you should take pride in the effort. in crossing the finish line. heck, in even getting to the starting line!