i wouldn't be here if it weren't for johnny mathis. (seriously, it was my parents first date). normally i'm not a fan of cheesy ballad singers like neil diamond or barry manilow. but when i hear mr. mathis's vibrato i instantly feel at home.
did you watch the season finale of desperate housewives? if you didn't, you didn't miss much. but if you did, you would have heard johnny singing about love and loss at the end of the show. if you were me you would have instantly known your mom would be crying.
but i digress.
the point is that there were so many factors that had to come together for me to be here today, typing this post. i've always thought this and it has contributed to my bigger feelings about faith and life. and i've always abided by the "everything happens for a reason" rule.
but lately i've been having a hard time with that.
i've seen friends meet, marry, have babies in the 3.5 year span that john and i were together. i can't help but want the same for us. but here we are living states away, leading seperate lives. was it not meant to be? is there a reason? or are we screwing with fate?
i read recently that "comparison is the theif of joy" and there is so much truth to that. if i compare us to other thems, it will only make me unhappy. if i compare myself to you, or her, or kim kardashian i will either end up feeling unfairly better about myself (ahem, kim) or more likely short-handed. i can only be me and if i try to be someone else, i will be unhappy.
it just looks so much greener on the other side.
but if i keep thinking that i'll cheat myself on my own life. i have to enjoy what i have, and i really do have a lot. just because someone else's life looks better doesn't mean that mine isn't great. just because i want something different doesn't mean that i don't have what i need.
even if i don't like the things that have happened doesn't mean they didn't happen for a reason. too many double negatives there?
anways, i realize there are much worse things out there that i could be dealing with. and perhaps i'm being over dramatic. i just want to be sure i'm on the right path. that johnny mathis's ballads are not wasted and that one day i'll really appreciate one of his cheesy love songs.
Oh dear, it sounds like you are having some moments. One thing I can say, and I have had a few more years to reflect on this, is that you cannot measure yourself by other people's measuring sticks. What is right for one person at a particular time in life, may not be the right fit or the right resolution or the right darn luck at your particular time in life. I know it sucks, because our society is so goal-focused, for example, please be married and have those kids by thirty, or you are doing it wrong, etc., etc. But, that is all really just an illusion. Find your own groove, live in it, and you will find your place in time. I am so proud of you, you are a great role model for the rest of us. These feelings will get better, I swear. Thanks for being there for me in a tough time, by the way. Sometimes, it is the little kindnesses that make the most difference.
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