welcome to the neighborhood, part two.

well maybe its blogging karma but just when i thought my neighborhood couldn't get any weirder, it went all britney spears with a razor on me.

let's see, where do i begin.

i guess we can start on the day that john left. my two nosy neighbors, creeper larry and shirtless wonder, were standing outside as i was coming back from a walk with bailey. they shouted "where is your hubby?" let me reiterate that this was the day he left. i mumbled something about him not being here, put my head down and walked as fast as i could inside before i started to cry. they kept taunting me saying "uh-oh! he's gone? i hope not for good." nosy and cruel. i have pretty much have avoided them since and i think they know it.

it's probably why creeper larry leaves me letters in the mailbox rather than talk to me. my pen pal kindly informed me that when he was going into his kitchen...he saw me backing out of my driveway and noticed my brake light was out. even though this letter didn't rhyme and was signed a different address, i knew it was him because of the handwriting and excessive detail.

shirtless wonder has been pretty MIA due to illness. while i hope he gets better i also really hope he starts wearing a shirt. the other day he came over to talk to my lawn guy about his jungle of a yard. i just wish the shirts were reversed. just saying.

the real crazy dog lady got back with her ex-husband and moved out to utah.  she's hoping her house will burn down so that she can just collect the insurance money. but bailey really misses her and i miss having another female around.

back story on crazy dog lady. about a year ago, there a few cop cars outside her house. a few weeks later she told me it was because someone had stolen her guns. as in plural. multiple firearms. great.


i'm friends with the "drug addict" now because he is taking care of my neighbor's french bulldog version of bailey, named camo, who bailey loves. to be fair i don't think he is an addict, he's just smoking something. the other day he asked if i noticed he painted his garage purple. i'm not sure how one could not notice it. he plans to short sale his house but the realtor has yet to show up. i'm pretty sure the realtor saw purple and ran far, far away.

i'm also pretty sure he and camo are going to be life partners because our neighbor "works" out of town for weeks at a time. meanwhile there has been a subpoena placed over his front door so he can't open it without seeing the bright green paper. when i asked purple people eater where camo's dad was, he said he hadn't been "released from work yet." how about we replace work with jail, and that sentence makes a lot more sense.

the good part about all this is bailey and i pretty much have the block to ourselves and my house is the standout in a good way. the down side is resale is going to be a b*tch.

just another beautiful day in the neighborhood.