dear 16 year old me.

i have the attention span of a five year old, so being contained on a plan for 2.5 hours as an adult (read: can't throw a tantrum) is difficult. i wasn't particularly invested in the book i was reading and i couldn't fall asleep so my options were airline magazine and sky mall. however they ended up giving me an idea for this post that i marinated over during my 5.5 mile bridge loop run last night

the first thing i read was an article about a book of letters celebrities wrote to their 16 year old selves. its amazing how different you are from when you were 16 and what would have been helpful for an older you to tell yourself back then.

the next thing that struck my interest was in the sky mall magazine. it was a sign with a quote from christopher robin talking to winnie the pooh. it read "promise me you'll always remember you're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." i thought it was so profound that i took out my phone, put it on airplane mode (what does this accomplish really) and typed it out on my notepad.

it wasn't until mile three of my run last night that i put the two ideas together. if i was writing to myself at 16, i would tell me what christopher robin told pooh.

you're braver than you believe.
you will accomplish and do things you can't imagine right now. you will move far away from friends and family and that new community will be come your own. you will have the opportunity to travel new places to build homes for people that need them. you will get up on a roof and do work that is so much more important than that book report. or that boy you are crushing on. you will take leaps of faith and it will be ok.

you're stronger than you seem.
i know you are really into dance and golf right now but someday you will run a half marathon and find out how strong you really are. you laugh because you can't even run a mile right now and would never lace up and head out the door. but running will give you a sense of accomplishment and strength which will spill into every other area of your life. you're capable of more than you realize.

you're smarter than you think.
true, math doesn't make any sense. it won't really get any better, but that's ok. you will put together a 5k that will raise loads of money for a good cause. you will buy a house all by yourself when you are 25. (ok math would have helped here). you may not go to unc but that will not define you. you are smart when it counts, despite what that physics test says.  give yourself more credit.

some other things you should know include (but are not limited to):
your mom will always be right, and she'll always be your very best friend.
enjoy that pizza every night and two donuts for dessert while you can.
you will never have abs. see previous note.
do something with your hair.
that bump in your nose. learn to love it, its not going away.
it really is better to give than to receive.
that college that you and you're sister proclaimed "we would never go here." you're going there.
don't be afraid to try.
don't be afraid to fail.

you don't know everything. you still won't even when you're 27.

what would you say to your 16 year old self? what will i say to my 27 year old self in 10, 20, 50 years?

we are family.

running has a way of calming my nerves and cheering me up most of the time. there are some times though that running doesn't work for that, only family does.

this is one of those times. but more about that in the new year. more about my family now.

when i'm trying to make a decision there is nothing i like to hear less than "you have to do what's right for you." because if i knew what was right, i would have decided already.

i've never been good at making decisions. my family will listen to me go back and forth, fret over every little detail, each cause and effect. they will let me cry and tell me everything is ok. and it usually is. my mom in particular will talk at length about how special i am and remind me of all i've accomplished. and i'm not saying i'm more special than the next person, but it's still nice to hear. and in the end, i know that whatever i choose my family is there 100%.

this Christmas will be the first not at 18 canterbury. that will be weird. no Christmas village taking over the house, no fabulous light display on our back porch only for us to see. no Christmas eve party with the cousins. but i am looking forward to setting some new traditions with my sister and her family (my precious nephew aidan). and most of all, i am looking forward to spending it with family, no matter where we are.

my family is made up of those chosen for me (and how lucky i am) and those i chose. and i am so grateful for each and every person.

turkey day 5k.

since i work saturdays, i don't often get the opportunity to run in any local 5Ks. i was excited  to run one this thanksgiving in wonderful brazil, indiana. a little bit cold, not too scenic, and full of pot holes i finished in a respectable time of 25:49 and secured a participants medal which was given to the first 100 of 151 runners. (to be honest, i was pretty hell bent on getting that medal as i did not want to leave empty handed).

and actually it was more than a little bit cold for me. coming from 80 degrees the night before, the low 40s felt like freezing. i borrowed a hat from a friend which had ear flaps and pom poms that flopped around as i ran. this amused both me and every runner i passed or passed me, i'm sure.

this is how 5K's usually go for me. before it starts i'm almost sick to my stomach nervous even though it's not like i'm trying to win. i think my body is dreading mile 3 so its trying to throw in the towel early. when i start the race, i have so much fun...watching people pass me. i remind myself not to go out too fast and enjoy the scenery. mile two i start passing some people and that feels pretty good. mile 3 i hate life. i'm almost always sure i'm going to throw up at the end. the last .1 mile i try to run my heart out. i'm ususally suprised how much i have left in me and i feel bad ass coming in strong. when i see my time i always think i could have shaved off a few seconds.

i find it funny that something that makes me feel so awful when i'm in it can be so addicting. but the sense of accomplishment that comes in crossing that finish line is what makes it worth it. when you place in your age division, its even better. it's knowing that i set a goal and i completed it. a reason to be proud of myself (especially if i had a good time). when it's 13.1 miles i could bust i'm so proud.

i can't imagine running a marathon. but it's on the bucket list. hold me to it.