i run.

i've always had a love hate relationship with running. throughout grade school i was a dancer. i did NOT run. i think my PR was a 14 minute mile.

then keith died. i was a junior in college. he was a friend and co-worker and first person i knew well that died. he was too young. and so his friends planned a 5k in his memory and set up a scholarship fund. so i set up a goal to complete it. i had never run more than a mile consecutively. i trained on tredmills in our campus gym throughout the winter. it took me months to get there but it gave me purpose. i ran the first mile of that 5k in 7 minutes. needless to say, the rest of the race was difficult but i finished. and it felt good.

then i lost my purpose, so i set a new goal. a half marathon. clearly the next logical step after you finally are able to run 3 miles at once, is to try and run 13. i spent the rest of the summer "training" which meant i'd try to run for an hour at a time. i ran up down all the streets in sayville. when i got back to school in virginia, i ran all over fredericksburg. i was ready.

i convinced my friend brandon to go with me, he had hardly trained. we stayed at his house about 45 minutes away from the start. we ate the obligatory pasta and i risked some ice cream. i barely slept. (everytime i do any race, or direct a race, i dream that i miss the race so its better to stay awake). i wrote keith's initials on my wrist and ankles with the date of his death. i was doing this for him. if you give purpose to all those miles, it makes it go by faster, right?

i did it, i crossed that damn finish line with a heart full of pride, eyes full of tears, and legs full of pain. and i have never been the same. my mom has the picture, it is not pretty, but it means so much.

ever since i have defined myself by my running. i try to run fast, i strive to run long. when i have slacked off on my running i feel like a fake. when i try to get back into it and it hurts it's depressing. and then, like last night, i run 5.5 miles with a sweet soundtrack and some cool rain and i'm alive again. i'm me. and i run.