about fate

recently i finished a book that was so good it bummed me out. 

the main character is turning forty and her dad is dying. she accidentally finds a way to time travel and is transported to her 16th birthday which she spends with him. she keeps going back to the past trying to fix the present. 

it was particularly poignant since she is my age and her time travel brings her back to my childhood. although i do not care to relive most of my teenage years, i would do anything to change my dad's fate. 

but fate is predetermined and beyond control. 

i've mostly made peace with that. but considering the opportunity to spend time with him again got me to think what i would do differently. what would it be like to be together knowing what was to come?

i'd ask more questions.

soak in the silences. 

hug him, holding on a little longer.

bottle up his chuckle.

play more golf together.

sing out loud to Alabama.

learn all he knew. 

talk with our eyes.

love with my whole heart.

somethings i don't need to travel through the years to do. my face is his face (although it may look like my mom's) and there's a smile we still share. i know all the words of "if you're gonna play in texas" and i'm learning new things with the same zest he had for what he studied. i laugh at jokes he would make. 

i love with my whole heart. 

i miss my dad every day. but every day i'm grateful that my fate brought me him.