that one time i ran a marathon.

well, it certainly has been a while. life got a little crazy and i went a little crazier.

in january, i ran a marathon.

i remind myself of that often. when things get difficult or uncomfortable i remember how scary 26.2 miles seemed but how great every single one of them felt. i can do hard things.

crossing that finish line was both a huge relief and a tremendous reward. months of training amid an already hectic schedule. entire sunday mornings dedicated to long runs. a brutal 20 mile run following an already emotional week. headaches, chaffing, two pairs of sneakers, and gallons of sweat.

thank god i registered for that marathon months in advance. i didn't know how much i would need it. running surely pulled me up from the trenches. most days i wanted to hide under a rock but a healthy fear of hitting the wall mid-race got me out of bed and out running. it made me realize that i can't wait for life to get better, i have to make it that way. it's still a work in progress.

i had some great friends help me on training runs and they even delivered a care package to my hotel the night before. others sent cards or texts of encouragement. i was even lucky enough to have my parents come cheer me on. as i went to bed marathon eve, my cup was more than half full.

lining up the morning of the marathon, i was terrified. 26 miles was intimidating. but knowing i'd see my parents at mile 5 in the magic kingdom kept me from a complete panic. so i focused on making it there, one mile at a time.

my parents were right in front of the castle and seeing them there was, well...magical. it filled my tank for the next leg of the course which was a long stretch from the magic kingdom to the animal kingdom. disney provided enough entertainment (of course) and before i knew it, i made it to mile 12. the energy of animal kingdom was electric; animals, guys on stilts, loud music and fire! soon enough i was on my way to ESPN.

it was then i knew that i had it. i COULD do this.

i felt awesome. i knew mom and dad would be at mile 19, a friend at mile 24 and then just two more miles. easy! i high fived my parents as i ran by and my dad says he knew i had it then too. he told me that after the race, with a ton of pride in his voice, and it still makes my heart swell.

next was hollywood studios, a personal favorite. running behind the scenes was enough distraction to keep me moving forward. the chocolate they handed out didn't hurt either. an awesome surprise came as i exited the park and saw someone cheering from me. i felt a bit delirious because i knew she was cheering for me but i couldn't believe it either. my college roommate had spotted me among the masses. i gave her a big, sweaty hug and i was on a high for the next mile. i almost wanted to slow down to make this all last but before i knew it i was running through epcot on the way to the finish.

coming up to that finish line was beyond amazing. i could have burst, i was so incredibly proud and HAPPY. before that race i had been neither of these things. that day, you couldn't wipe the smile off my face. i could not wait to get to my parents. i didn't feel like i had made them proud recently and i was so glad i could change that. they have always been my biggest cheerleaders, and i am so grateful. if my legs could have gotten me over the barricades to reach them, i would have. sharing this experience with them was so special.

my first goal was to finish the race. my second goal was to do it in four and a half hours. well, i finished it in 4:30:35. the fact that not only did i finish but i did it in the exact time i had hoped for was nothing short of a miracle. thinking back on that day, i'm pretty sure there was divine intervention. the weather could not have been more perfect. i hardly broke a sweat which was in stark contrast to my training runs. and not once did i want to stop running. for four and a half hours. thinking about it, it seems impossible, but somehow it wasn't!

i never let my mind get ahead of my body. i truly enjoyed myself and never once wanted to give up. i felt incredibly strong. when i crossed the finish line, my cup runneth over, fortunately with champagne!

so now, when things get hard i remind myself of that day and know that if i just take it one mile, one step at a time i will cross that finish line. (and if i forget, my wonderful mom always reminds me).

monday is a four letter word.

today was a monday. monday's are notorious for being less than great. the weekend is always one day too short and the first day back to the grind is a shock to the system.

often times i'll call my mom on monday completely stressed or upset over something and she'll remind me what day it is. she's right, on tuesday that problem doesn't seem so overwhelming. it was just monday's fault.

all things considered, today started off fine. i even had the audacity to think that for a monday, it wasn't that bad. sure the weather was grey and the office was quiet...but lunch was delicious and tonight was the premier of dancing with the stars. overall, i'd call that a win.

when you get too cocky, life has a way of bringing you back to down to earth. and that's just what it did at 4pm today, monday. i got a call from someone who received a mailing i had just sent out for our golf tournaments. i had the times reversed for the tournaments on the letter. thankfully the registration forms were correct and most won't read the letter...but still. a big mistake, times 500.

no amount of chocolate or dancing with the stars was going to take away that mistake and make me look any better. i went home, my tail between my legs, feeling very humbled hoping i could redeem myself next time. in my head i heard my mom telling me not to rush, take my time and be careful, just like she did all the time from kindergarten through college. hopefully this time i'd learn. this time it will stick.

until next time. no, seriously, i've learned. or maybe i just won't answer the phone on a monday.

anyways, i took bailey for a walk hoping to shake it off. when we got home my neighbor was outside with his dog, camo. now i have previously written about this neighbor and called him some unflattering things. if i could go back in time i wouldn't be so quick to judge a book by its cover. past me sounds pretty foolish. since then, he has helped take care of bailey and we've traded homemade goodies. i may not agree with his purple and orange paint but i can appreciate his meticulous paint job and his willingness to help others.

back to monday. so he was standing in the driveway and i seized the opportunity to ask his opinion on the trees i attempted to trim this weekend but ended up hacking. before i knew it he had a ladder and a saw and and was working a miracle. i found myself humbled for the second time today. but this time in a good way.

you know how they say to be kind to others, you never know what battle they are fighting or how a smile can change someone's day? that is exactly what derrick and camo did for me today. turned my day right around. and that's a big deal for a monday.

i still maintain that mondays are awful and the week would be much better off without them. but next monday, i'll remember to smile and be kind. you never know what kind of monday others are having.

i also won't rush through important stuff. after all the weekend is really important and i take it very seriously. 
 

this one time at...running camp

the alarm blasts in my ear at 4:30am. even bailey isn't ready to get up. she sighs and rolls over.

before i think about it too much i put my feet on the ground and get up and throw on some running clothes that may or may not match. hopefully none are inside out.

i ate no less than my weight in desserts last night but somehow my stomach still grumbles so i grab a chocolate granola bar. the thought crosses my mind that i might have a chocolate addiction, but it's 4:30am...i'll eat what i want.

i walk the dog, it's dark and creepy out but i see a shooting star. maybe this is a good sign.

i get in my car and head off to running camp. i'm disappointed to discover that the lack of sun does not equal lack of heat. and the humidity? i might as well go for a swim. we do a slow warm up run as my friends chat around me. i try to keep up, unsure how i'll make it through the rest of the workout.  

but i persevere.

i remember that line from fast and furious about living life one quarter mile at a time. today i will live it in half miles. i will run and i will breathe and i will work hard. (and then i'll have more chocolate).

somehow the six daunting intervals pass by, each at goal pace. they hurt, but in a way that feels good. it feels good to push myself. it feels good to see it pay off every three minutes and fifty five seconds. it's good to focus on a pace and the distance between cones instead of anything and everything else.

i leave much happier than i came (and much soggier).

back in my car, one republic is on the radio singing that "sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now...but please tell me what there is to complain about?"and i think this lyric couldn't be more appropriate to my life if i wrote it myself.

i turn the music up and sing horribly off key, "oh, this has gotta be the good life, this has gotta be the good life, this could really be a good life, good life!"

today is off to a good start. and this life? it can be oh so good if you just take it one half mile at a time.

*(it should be noted that this one republic song is used in disney advertising, which for me is equivalent to having my cake and eating it too).

fast.

i finally know what "fast" feels like. it's completely thrilling and entirely exhausting.

for almost six years i've been showing up for a group run around the bridges every wednesday night. give or take a week or two or a year. when i first started i was happy just to finish. next goal was to run the entire thing with no breaks. i'd run 5.5 before but these bridges are a challenge. add the florida summer sunshine and well, sometimes i was sure my face would explode. i averaged 55 minutes.

the past two weeks i've run it in 46 minutes. relatively speaking...that is FAST!

i say relative because the majority of the runners in this group average 6 minute miles. but me? running 5 miles each in just over 8 minutes...well that is a victory.

now, i don't expect every run to be a victory. there have been strings of months of poor runs or lack of runs. some days you set a personal best, others you set personal worst. there are days when just lacing up is a victory.

but right now. right now, running feels so good. it's a good outlet. it's good exercise. it's a good challenge. faster or not, it is just so good.

and when you hear those 6 minute milers calling you fast? well, that's just icing on the cake.

(speaking of cake, i think i earned another slice. going faster burns more calories, right?)

the helpers.

i've written a few times on here about how i started running and what it means to me. almost nine years ago (wow, has it really been that long?) i was given a gift by a friend who left this world too early. he inspired me to run and today i am happier, fitter and more confident because of it.

finishing my first half marathon was an indescribable sense of pride and joy unparalleled by any other experience in my life so far. i can't even imagine what it'll be like to finish a full marathon. after yesterday, it will have even more meaning.

to many a runner, boston is the holy grail. the majority of the participants had to run a challenging qualifying time in a previous race. the rest had to raise thousands of dollars for charity. each of these paths to boston takes hard work, dedication and determination. to line up at the start in boston is a feat in itself.

so yesterday my heart broke for those runners crossing the finish line when the explosions happened. it broke for those unable to run that last point two. it broke for those friends and family waiting to see their runner cross that line. they were all robbed of their joy. their pride was stolen from them and replaced with chaos and devastation.

yet, i do not want to focus too long on why it happened or who did it. the important people are working on that. if the rest of us talk about it too much and live our lives in fear, "he" wins. instead i will do as mr. rogers says and "look for the helpers."

so many people ran towards the victims. towards the area where at any moment, another explosion might have occurred. i only pray that i'd have had the courage to do the same.

my heart bursts with pride when i hear of runners continuing past the finish to the hospital so they could donate blood; for the police doggies who used their gift of smell to ensure the safety of the area; for the veterans who saw these scenes in combat and put aside their own trauma to help; for the volunteers, first responders and hand holders.

i'm so proud of my fellow citizens, northeasteners and runners who helped the victims, carried them to safety, opened their homes and businesses to each other; who picked up that poor old man and helped him across the finish line. that is humanity.

there is so much good in this world.

and so today i ran for boston. i didn't run 26.2 miles. it wasn't my best run. i wasn't even full of joy the entire three miles. but i showed up. i prayed for the victims. i looked for the helpers.

it was the very least i could do.

full of great.

well hello old friend, it's been a spell.

i haven't written in a while. i couldn't really tell you why because it's not like i'm so super busy i can't sit down for ten minutes to crank one of these out. maybe it's the lack of busy that caused the absence.

i had a great post twirling around in my head after thanksgiving. and then sandy hook happened. anything i had to say after that seemed insignificant. it still is, but here i go anyways.

my gratefulness post still hasn't left my head so let's start there. i'm proud to say i was one of the few who actually completed the 30 days of thankful on facebook. each day i posted something i was thankful for. thankfully, it was so easy.

i think others who started this trend didn't manage the 30 days because they started too big. "i'm thankful for my family who has always been there for me and i love them so much and yada yada yada..." well duh, of course you are thankful for your family/kids/husband/etc. it's the small stuff we forget to be thankful for! 

so in that spirit, i "kicked" it off with a bang: "i'm thankful for kickball because i've gained some awesome friends and taken some super flattering pictures. pure grace."

exhibit a.

see i believe the key is keeping it light. 

i was thankful on election day because it meant it was over. i was thankful for a mystery guy who subscribes to magazines with my address, i just wish they were better reads. i was thankful for veterans but even more so for their uniforms. i was thankful to put together a decent dinner even though all i bought at the grocery store was snapple, milk and five bags of chocolate chips. when i was babysitting two kids, two dogs and a bailey i was thankful to "work" for great families but glad i don't have that many beings to care for on the regular. 

dogs don't make great babysitters, unless there is food.

i was thankful my mop broke so i didn't have to wash the floors. i was thankful that i live close enough to work to be able to change my pants at lunch. i was thankful for this video, because it made me laugh so hard i cried. it was perfectly timed as i just was teaching a friend ballet positions and i'm sure i looked as graceful.

my birthday was november nineteenth, so i had lots to be thankful for then, like great friends who surprised me with a dinner at the disney resort. i was thankful for dessert and my new iphone. i was thankful for my parents anniversary which they celebrated with an early bird special. i was thankful for a friend who saved my life on a run and then super thankful i won free sneakers.

thanks, saucony!

me like cupcake!

i was thankful for a 5K because it came with a t-shirt and breakfast. each day i was thankful for 5pm, only wishing it came sooner. i was thankful that i'm a girl and therefore have common sense. i was thankful for my dad's service in the air force and especially his coined phrase "if you can't wipe it, you have to wear it."

most of all, i was thankful i had (at least) 30 things to be thankful for. 

yes, of course, i'm beyond grateful for my family. i hope actions speak louder than words on that one. what was so great about this project was it taught me to appreciate the small stuff and that every negative can come with a positive.

honestly, i got depressed when november was over and i could no longer harass facebook friends with my gratefulness. i forgot to stop and think each day what there was to be happy about. 

and there is so much! 

for example, the other day my dog rolled in tar and i now know all the different substances that help remove it should i ever fall into a bucket of tar. or more likely, when bailey goes back to the park.

its the little things, folks! be grateful.

for the love of dave matthews.

i have changed a lot since my junior year of high school. THANK GOD. but one thing that remains constant however is my blond hair, affinity for all things chocolate and a love for dave matthews. THANK GOD.

my sister and her boyfriend (now husband) drove me and three of my friends to see him in new jersey my junior year and i was hooked. i have seen eleven shows since then in massachusetts, connecticut, new york, virginia, florida, and indiana. i considered myself a super fan but really, there are people who see him twelve times a year.

part of the draw is that no show is the same. different set lists, different jams. i used to be so into the set list thing. writing it down for the shows i saw, looking up others on antsmarching.org, getting so dissapointed when i missed a good encore. and the jams! i could hippie dance with the best of them.

going to a concert was always a huge production. it usually involved some considerable travel and tailgating was a must. get there early, drink beer, eat food, get your lawn seat ASAP, buy t-shirt, dance your hippie heart out, take beach chairs back out and enjoy watching the line of traffic, crash on frat house floor (most unpleasant accomodations to date).

let's not underestimate the power of a good lawn seat. a good spot means your toes won't go numb from standing on a slant, that you have room to twirl, and the girl in front of you is not puking her brains out or snorting something. true stories.

my younger self would die if it heard me say that i haven't been to a show in a few years. i got side tracked by going to disney every month, and dave matthews got side tracked by making albums. when i saw that dave was on ellen recently, well be still my heart! my favorite band, my favorite celebrity (ellen), my favorite song.

the only possible way this could be better would be if it took place in disney world, and i was there.

john and i used to have an understanding that if i ever had the opportunity to "kiss" dave matthews, i could. this rule will be in place with anyone i date. but let's be real...if i ever met dave matthews there probably wouldn't be much kissing. i met him once in my dreams and i passed out. how is that even possible in a dream? so i can't even imagine what would happen in real life. it might involve a stroke.

via
hands down sexiest performer alive

anyways, back to the ellen show. i have to watch it on youtube due to no cable. i noticed under the video there was a comment "my friend's dad is in that band, tim reynolds." OK. HOLD UP. i remember when tim reynolds was just a kid. and now he has kids old enough to have friends commenting on you tube? and who the hell doesn't know THAT band?! instantly i felt like the old person at the concert that i used to think "way to hold onto your past...find a new band."

but i will never find a new band. i will be that old person in the audience. i'll just have a better seat.