to leah and evan.

the following is the maid of honor speech i made for my best friend this weekend. though i couldn't hold on to my papers because my hands were shaking so hard and i had to follow the best man comedy show, i'd still call it a success. it was such an honor to write this and to be the maid of honor for my best friend.

when i was younger, my brother used to talk me into doing all sorts of things i didn't want to do. so twenty something years ago when he nagged me to come to his friend micah's house because he promised i would really like micah's sister, i figured she was probably awful. i finally gave in just to shut him up. i don't often admit this, but i was wrong...she was great. it was the best gift my brother has ever given me.

leah and i were instantly inseparable. not only did i find a beset friend for life that day, i gained a pretty big extended family, a few extra holidays like hannukah and passover, the other half to our dance duet, a forever ice cream date, and partner in crime. i found the thelma to my louise.

as little girls, leah and i loved to play house. we would always pretend that we were married to twins. that way we could basically marry the same person and be related. while leah clearly didn't uphold that pact, i learned a long time ago it doesn't take blood to make you family.

in thinking of how i could describe what kind of friend leah is, this one story came to mind. you know when your parents say they will get you a pet, only if you take care of it but you don't, so they have to? well i had a rabbit like that and one day i came home to find it had died. i called leah and between my sobs she figured out that noah was dead and my parents were going to kill me. she immediately started running to my house. if you know leah, that is a pretty big deal..the running part. she also helped me figure out hat the rabbit wasn't dead after all. she saved my butt that day. 


she had run to my side and she was there for me. now we don't really live within running distance anymore but she continues to be there for me when i need her most. she's shared her family with me and has been my constant as friends and boyfriends have come and gone for us both. so it's been my honor to be her maid of honor. this day is something we dreamed up for a long time and i couldn't imagine a better prince charming for princess leah.

i remember when leah first started dating evan. she was visiting me in florida and though she was downplaying it, i could tell she was already smitten. calls and texts were going in and out at a rapid pace and her face would flush red when she spoke about him, and as much fun as i am to be around, i could tell by the end of the weekend she was ready to get back to him.

they've been together ever since and i can tell how happy he makes her. if ever there were a more detail-oriented person than leah, evan would be it. i know together they will make lists...and check them twice. but most of all they will always dream together, plan together, laugh together and grow together.

though i'm a few months older, leah's always been doing things first...first kiss, first boyfriend, first real job. what i'm trying to say is that i don't have any marriage advice because leah is blazing the trail once again! however, i do have a few things i wish for you both.

may you always kiss each other good night.
may your journey always be better than the destination.
may you continue to laugh together everyday.
may you always find home in each other.
always remember how in love you are today but may this be the day that you love each other the least.

i learned somewhere you should start with a joke and end with a quote. so'id like to end this with some dave matthews.

see, you and me
have a better time than most can dream
have it better than the best
and so can pull on through
whatever tears at us
whatever holds us down
and if nothing can be done
we'll make the best of what's around
turns out not where but who you're with that really matters

may you always make the best of what's around together.

to leah and evan!

i. went. SURFING.

my first year living in florida, i was on the cover of the newspaper. before and since i have been in the paper has been for much better things but have never made it to the cover. and never for something so ridiculous (and somewhat frightening).

i was at the beach with my fellow americorps member, nghia, who like most guys lacked common sense and even though he grew up near the water in vietnam, remained what i call "ocean dumb." no offense, he was a total smarty otherwise.

there are a few things that become inherent when you live near the ocean. you know how to catch a wave with your body or any kind board, when the tide is coming up, how to dive under an incoming wave, and to NEVER turn your back to the ocean. nghia knew none of these things.

still, we went swimming.

we didn't pay attention to the lifeguards' double red flags nor had we heard about the kid who was missing at sea. immediately i knew we were in trouble. it literally felt like there was a vacuum at my feet and i realized i was getting sucked out at an alarming speed. the logic side of my brain told me that i was supposed to follow the current and spit me back out. the panic side of my brain said GET YOUR FEET ON SOLID GROUND RIGHT NOW.

panic won.

i reached the shore just in time to see two lifeguards running towards us. i stood with one as we watched the other rescue nghia. not only was i glad to be alive, i was completely mortified. we had caught the attention of the entire beach. and lucky for us, a reporter.

when we got back to work the next week everyone was asking if we were ok. i wondered how they knew.

this story, along with a photo of nghia being helped out of the water had made the front page (lucky for me it can still be found on the interweb):

"...With rough waters and a rip current, lifeguards flew the red flag — high caution — and at one point dashed in and helped two Vero Beach residents, Nghia and Jessica, both 22 (and dumb). 'They were getting sucked out good,' lifeguard Matt Resch said. Lifeguards helped Nghia and Jessica struggle back to shore. The beach goers said they might have lost their footing after another minute in the rip current.
'It was like a vacuum,' Nghia said..."

first i would like to point out a few inconsistencies here. i was NOT helped by a lifeguard, though i was grateful for their efforts. i got out on my own powered by sheer will and fear. second i said it was like a vacuum. i do like how they pointed out "high caution" to highlight our stupidity. regardless, that is not how i planned on making a name for myself here, as the girl who was ocean dumb.

(it looked kind of like this except with more fear and less smile. also nghia would be way behind me.)

like i said i've made it in the paper a lot since then, for much better, cooler things. but this goes down as most memorable. it probably explains why my mom totally panicked this weekend after she hadn't heard from me after i went kayaking.

after that i was much more wary of the ocean. nghia wasn't. he went back in the next day with my friend doug and another friend who couldn't swim. doug had to save them both. OCEAN DUMB.

anyways this weekend i rediscovered the joy of the ocean. unfortunately my leg rediscovered the joy of a surfboard fin and i will be sporting a bruise. and who am i kidding, i'm totally showing that sucker off because i. went. SURFING.

and i survived.

and much to my disappointment it did not make the front page of the paper.

EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT~ Jessica is Not Ocean Dumb Afterall!

ps. nghia, if you are reading this, thanks for the memories. and i hope you live inland :)

pps. you read that right, i went kayaking and surfing in one weekend. i'm not sure which was less more successful.

dreams come true.

now i'm no scientologist but i do have a weird thing with dreams.

most of the time they are completely bizarre and don't even make sense when i'm in them much less when i wake up. but other times they are just real enough to freak me the heck out. like the dream where my mom died. i wasn't right the whole next day even after i talked to her and knew she was fine. i think it was so terrifying because i have a tendancy to have parts of my dream become reality.

ah, if only all my dreams could come true, right?

but when my friend told me she dreamed i had frogs in my bed and that bailey was eating them, i didn't really think much of it. first of all, i've never had/known that someone elses dream about me came true. second, bailey and mallory have some kind of weird connection (as in bailey would like to attach her nose to mallory's hip and mallory would like for bailey to go sit in a corner and leave her alone). and third, bailey would eat a frog if she had a chance.

case in point, last night.

i had a small mound of laundry to put away before i could finally get to bed after the marathon that is extreme makeover. as i folded up one shirt i saw something go flying out and crawl up my bed. cue my blood curdling screams and bailey's ears and nose at full attention. it was a gecko. in my bed.

i'm pretty sure my neighbors thought i was seeing dead people, not a little lizard.

we chased it off the bed and into the corner. bailey really wanted to get her paws on the thing and i just wanted it to get the hell out of my bedroom. i was able to get it out in the hall where i had to take a break to freak out. in that 10 seconds bailey sucked the thing into her mouth.

cue more screaming.

by biggest fear was that she would chomp down and then i'd be dealing with gecko guts. my shrieks freaked her out enough to spit it out into the bathroom, good job dog. i thought about leaving it there but then i imagined it back in my bed...crawling across my face...while i slept... no thanks.

i was eventually able to corner it, trap it and get it outside. with much screaming and jumping around like an idiot. i was actually pretty impressed with myself. i had put my big girl panties on and dealt with it all on my own. apparently it was hard work though because i was sweating like a maniac.

i'm also pretty sure geckos taste bad because bailey really wanted some water.

anyways, i asked mallory if she could dream that i would win lots of money and find a hot boyfriend. because that would be way better than more amphibians in my bed.

for the love of disney, volume three.

some people have vices like cigarettes or alcohol. watching my dad try to quit smoking for the past 25 years made me not want to do or try anything potentially addicting. i rarely drink "lemonade" and even try not to drink soda, most of the time.

my only vices are sunshine and chocolate. as far as vices go i pretty much feel like a winner.

lately it has become glaringly obvious that i have a third vice. can you guess? DISNEY.

i'm not too sure how great a vice this is. yes it's pretty damn magical. i have some really sweet memories there. i've eaten some of my most favorite meals, fallen in love, danced with stich and goofy, and faced fears there. but i've also spent a serioulsy large sum of money on annual passes, hotels, and aforementioned food.

and now i'm going through withdrawal. somedays i think of just getting in the car, driving north and just standing in the middle of magic kingdom and soaking it in like a smoker savors that first drag. sometimes just thinking of it makes me feel better. other times i feel worse.

last night there was a new commercial for the verizon disney app. the evil queen asks a vacationing family where she might find snow white and the dad checks his phone and sees she is at the castle. pretty generic, silly stuff right? well I CRIED.

i realize this is not a normal reaction. videos of parents suprising their kids with a trip to disney also make me cry and i usually tear up during that disney commercial with the "its a good life song," because yes...it is a GREAT life in disney. you get to be a total kid. for one day you can escape reality and live in a fantasy world. for only $89.

seriously though, it's hard not to be happy in disney. when you see kids meet a character and in all their heart they truly believe it is a real princess or mickey mouse. when you see the wonder in their eyes because they are just AMAZED that they are flying in a pirate ship with peter pan. when cast members write "have a magical day" at the bottom of your beer glass so you see it everytime you take a drink. how nothing tastes better on a hot day than a pinapple float. even better when you get a free float and a "happy birthday princess" because of your nerdy button.

it makes my heart swell.

and something that gives me that much joy can't be that bad a vice afterall. even though thinking about my inability to go anytime soon makes me break out in hives, i know i'll get my turn again.

and it will be magical.

for the love of disney, volume two.

have i told you how much i love disney? oh right, i did in volume one.

well it is killing me that i haven't been there for over three months! it feels like a lifetime. before i moved to florida i had only been once. when i was five. i was very bitter about this. every christmas my cousins were talking about their most recent trip and i made sure i said nice and loud, "i've only been once...when i was FIVE."

well i made up for lost time since i moved to florida, that's for sure. i actually went the first week after moving when my cousin was in disney (shocker). once i met john we did something disney every time he visited. either went to a park, ate at downtown disney, or went to the disney resort here. and once he moved here it was as regular as going to the movies.

having a bad week? magic kingdom. the best way to celebrate a birthday is the osborne family lights at hollywood studios. going to the airport? lets stop by disney! (ps. it's not really on the way).

we even went to disney to 'celebrate' our break-up. it wasn't so much a celebration as it was an incredibly bittersweet, pretty painful, cram as much as you can in one day before you'll never see each other again kind of day. it was fun, but knowing it was the last time felt like the last meal before an execution.

our last picture. how fitting.

 anyways, where was i going with this.

oh right, disney.

well it never ever lost its magic. even with 100 brazilians in line in front of me. even when it was 100 degrees.  even in the pouring rain. not even when we were on our last date. i think the magic deserves its own post.

i can't even frown its so magical.

this week they opened the art of imagination resort. this means nothing to 98% of you reading this. the other 2% are my cousins. but i have watched this resort's construction from the ground up. it's located near the pop century hotel, and since that is a value resort (value in disney means a regular hotel price without the amenities and including crappy toilet paper), it's where we usually stayed.

i couldn't wait for it to open so we'd have a new value resort to stay in. not to mention it features finding nemo and the little mermaid. win, win.

via

i normally get envy when i see pictures of other people in disney and i'm not there. this is unrealistic, i know. i cannot go there everyday. but i wouldn't mind it. so when i saw that they were finally opening the resort (i'm facebook friends with disney, you should be too) and not only was i not there i don't have any prospect of going there anytime soon...well, basically just stab me in the heart.

don't even talk to me about the magic kingdom expansion. i know you won't, you don't even know anything about it.

for the first time in a few years i don't even have an annual pass. (my life feels empty but my bank account feels fuller).

so what's my point? good point, i don't know. i just really miss the magic and i hate not knowing when i'll be going back. so if you could refrain from posting your super happy disney pics on facebook i'd greatly appreciate it.

but in the meantime maybe i'll try to find magic somewhere outside of disney. surely that's possible. and possibly more affordable.

memorable memorial day.

memorial day has been a mixed bag for me.

in college they were the start of my kick-butt summer job. selling tickets to the gay ferry. that could and should be its own post.

my grandma passed away around memorial day in 2007. the next year my other grandma passed away.
a few years later, i bought a house. last year, john was here and yes, we went to...DISNEY!

but this past weekend might take the cake. literally. there was a ridiculous cake, see below.

first i flew to connecticut to help host my bff's bridal shower. it started out rocky when i woke up at 6:15am and i had wanted to leave my house at 6am. i jumped out of my bed half-crying, half-shouting "oh no oh no oh no" as i flashed back to high school when i woke up late EVERY day. my poor dog didn't get to poop and my poor airplane neighbor had to smell my stank since there was no time for a shower. good news is i probably set a PR driving to the airport.

so i gfinally get there and leah's mom (and aunts) and i don't mess around getting everything ready for the shower. there was a lot of complaining, by others, about the humidity. i honestly did not even feel it and i froze in the AC. thanks florida for thinning my blood that much. thanks also for giving me an awesome tan.

which one of these is not like the other?

saturday it hit me. leah's getting married. this is her shower. we are old enough to get married. we dreamed of this since we met 20ish years ago and i couldn't be happier for her. you can tell why we are bffs because her shower was chocolate themed.

we used share clothes. then i became an amazon.

see...cake!

after the shower, my mom and i headed over to my sisters so i could meet my new niece! she is almost three months and twelve pounds of pure pretty.

i've done a few things i'm proud of in my life. but i think one of my proudest moments was when i walked in the front door and my nephew saw me, got a huge smile and ran over to give me a big hug and called me "aunt jesse."

i'm sure i'm biased, but even with the buzz cut he is pretty much the cutest kid. his parents might disagree, but even his tantrums are cute. the way he scrunches his nose and the crease he gets in his forehead. a-dor-able. but i also can just sit back and watch.

he let me tuck him in both nights which was pure heaven. i know we are related because he has like 298 stuffed animals in his bed. just like i do did.

monday we went to the zoo and he only wanted to hold my hand (until i took him away from the elephants too soon) and kept asking "what's next?" he is getting tall enough where i don't have to look like the hunchback of notre dame to reach him. and his sweet hand in mine is as good as it gets.

side note: have you ever seen an elephant poop? if you haven't, put it on your bucket list. it's pretty incredible.

weekend highlights also included: seeing my college dance partner-in-crime chalee. back in the day we broke it down, on stage mind you, to mary j. blige and whoop there it is. our costumes were even more awesome. my college roomie, meggers came to the zoo with us. belgium waffles for breakfast. and a FRIENDLYS MILKSHAKE. (i have been dying for it since my last one in february at that half marathon)

and teaching aidan the magic of maple seeds...

hello, pinocchio!

and that folks is four days of perfection. a memorial day* to remember that's for sure.

*this weekend was made possible by the men and women who have served or are serving our country. THANK YOU! 

for the love of disney, volume one.

if you know me you know i love disney. i have so much to say about the most magical place on earth. but i'll start with this.

you know that game six degrees of seperation? where you connect joe schmoe with george clooney by saying he's your uncle's brother's cousin's roommate's dog sitter's boyfriend. well i can do that with pretty much anything or anyone and disney. minus five connections.

i have the uncanny ability to relate anyone, anytime or anything to a disney character, movie, ride, theme park or something that happened to me in, at or around disney. actually i think it's more like a superpower.

your dog? looks like the dog in lady in the tramp. yes, your dog is a tramp.

oh you went to new orleans? well have you seen princess and the frog? there is a little girl i know and the ONLY way i can remember her name is to think of princess tiana. that has nothing to do with new orleans besides the fact that princess tiana lived in nola and cooked delicious cajun food. and turned into a frog.

had a great margarita at your cinco de mayo party? i can tell you where to get a better one in epcot.

your camfire smells like spaceship earth.

i realized this super power when this weekend i stubbed my toe. no, seriously i did. and my first thought, after "ow, don't fall people are watching, just keep walking (ahem, nemo reference)" was "that reminds me of this one time i was in disney."

by the way, i say "this one time, when i was at band camp disney" more often than mickey himself. if you were in high school in the late 90s then you get that reference.

anyways, i was at the house of blues in downtown disney for july 4th with some friends to see a free show. i think the band was matt and kim? mike and kat? who can remember. the point is i was at disney without john (gasp!) and at the place we met no less.

yes, i met my former boyfriend in disney world. and it was a fairytale. minus fairies. more on that later.

this is a super flattering picture of the night we met. 

moving on (ha! no irony there)

since my mom reads this i'll just say that i may or may not have been drinking too many mojitos lemonades and breaking it down on the dance floor. i was jumping and shaking it all over the place when my non-dancey friend totally stepped on my toe. hard. maybe he thought i should stop jumping and shaking. no, i think it was just an accident. i'm a pretty good dancer.

there was blood and toenail breakage. i made many totally sober phone calls to john with some tears and lots of i miss you babys. and i never call anyone baby. i blame that on the lemonade. i called him at least a bajillion times from the bathroom at the house of blues, the cab and plenty more times at our hotel to tell him how bad my toe was. that he should fix it. all the way from indiana.

so yes, when i tripped on that rock, it was just like that one time at disney. minus the band, the dancing, the non-dancey friend and especially the lemonade. oh, and the phone calls. but my toe really did hurt.

point is i'm a very graceful person with one unfortunate toe who can connect anything to disney. in fact, i think disney should pay me to do this.

ps. i mean i'm pretty sure i can do this. i find myself mentioning disney in conversation ten times daily. you can test me but i can't guarantee my rate of success. but i'm pretty good. 

pps. if you're my mom you get my lemonade reference from senior prom. i may or may not have had a lot of lemonade then too.